


What I Never Told You (Ahsoka Fanfiction)

by Ava_Lira



Series: Star Wars Medieval AU, Anisoka Series [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medieval, Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Coruscant (Star Wars), F/M, Horseback Riding, Horses, Jedi, Knights - Freeform, Swordfighting, Swords, Tatooine (Star Wars), jedi order
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 28,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25410685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ava_Lira/pseuds/Ava_Lira
Summary: AHSOKA, a devoted young knight, survives a weeklong battle protecting the borders belonging to the kingdom of Coruscant, her home. When she and her best friend Anakin return, they receive a hero’s welcome. It should have been a time for Ahsoka to relish in her victory, but shortly afterwards she realizes it was the worst night of her entire life.Anakin meets someone at their ceremony, the princess of Naboo Padmé. And their growing bond threatens Ahsoka’s chances of ever telling Anakin how she feels about him, her deepest secret. She throws herself into another battle, although this one against her fear of losing him to Padmé, who seems to be using him for her own pleasure. Anakin loves blindly and is willing to overlook the fact that Padmé is engaged to Rush Clovis, the king of Coruscant. Ahsoka grows even more desperate to protect him because she is afraid Padmé will break his heart.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker/Ahsoka Tano, Lux Bonteri/Ahsoka Tano, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala/Rush Clovis
Series: Star Wars Medieval AU, Anisoka Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1960321
Comments: 156
Kudos: 160





	1. 1

His curly brown hair appeared golden from the sunset light beaming behind him, as he stood at the top of a grassy hill. He held his armor-clad shoulders in perfect posture. Though his back faced me, I could see his proud smile in my mind, while he gazed down at the field below him.

It was the field where he and I had fought for days on end to protect our kingdom’s, Coruscant’s, borders from invaders from Tatooine. The field where many had lost their lives on both sides. And now their dead bodies, bloody and broken, lay on the soft ground.

He sheathed his long silver sword, dulled with dried blood. Its blue crystal, encased in the steel spirals of of the hilt, still shone brightly, like he did.

Without him, the battle would have been a calamity. He came just in time in the heat of the battle, like he always did, on his midnight stallion. He was without fear, charging through hordes of enemies, their swords seeking his blood.

By his side in battle, I had no fear because we had each other. I watched his back; he watched mine.

Now, we stood still, exhausted, caked in dirt and blood staring down at out our army’s conquests.

“Snips, you ready to head back?” He turned his head, his beautiful eyes staring at me.

I shrugged and moved beside him. “I don’t know, Skyguy. Is Obi-Wan?”

Anakin put his arm around my shoulders and gave me a hug. “He’s over there rounding up the troops. I’m sure he is. Look at him.”

I immersed myself in the security and warmth he offered me and sighed. A part of me wanted to cry to release the stress that had built up over the past week. The other part of me resented my urge to cry, wanting to avoid making a scene around Anakin.

He didn’t need to help me carry my burdens when he had his own. He had already done enough to help me today, yesterday, and the day before that.

“Ahsoka, are you alright?” Anakin asked.

I looked up at him with the tears I tried to fight streaming down my face. I wanted to say I was okay. But I knew he would see through such an obvious lie.

“I’m going to take that as a no.” He gently wiped my tears away with his free hand. “You know you can tell me anything.”

I wrapped both my arms around his torso and sobbed into his chest.

He patted me on the back. “Take as long as you need.”

After my sobs had slowed, I mustered the strength to speak. “That was just exhausting. And the whole time, before you came, I was so afraid, Anakin. I was afraid I would let Rex down. That I wouldn’t be a good leader like you are.”

Anakin smiled. “You are a great commander, Ahsoka. And you didn’t need me to win this battle. I think you’re too hard on yourself.”

“Well, if I’m not, than I won’t get better,” I replied. I released him from my arms.

“Ugh, it sounds like you’ve been listening to Obi-Wan too much.”

I laughed at his scowling. “He is wise.”

“Yeah, and it’s irritating all the time,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Like sand?” I burst into a fit of laughter.

Anakin groaned. “Stop it! I’m never gonna live that down, am I?”

“Oops. Sorry if my humor is a little too coarse for you,” I nudged him with my elbow.

I watched him bite back his laughter at my final joke about his hatred for a certain rough substance. I threw my hands up. “I promise that’s it!”

“Right....” He shook his head. “I’m glad you’re laughing now. Even if it is at me.”

“Thanks,” I said, blushing. “I feel much better.”

Anakin patted me on the head, in a way one would a house pet. Perhaps he did it on purpose.

“We’d better catch up to Obi-Wan,” he said.

Anakin whistled, catching the attention of his war horse, who galloped to him eagerly. He ran his hand over his horse’s muzzle. “Hey, buddy. Good job out there today. Couldn’t do it without you.”

His magnificent stallion’s name was Ragnarr II, but he often called him R2, a nickname endearing only because it belonged to Anakin’s famous horse. Oddly enough, the horse seemed to prefer it.

Anakin situated himself on R2’s saddle and began trotting towards Head General of the Coruscant Army, Obi-Wan Kenobi.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Feel free to comment! I love talking with my readers :)

Obi-Wan wiped the sweat from his forehead. His kind eyes looked weary, but he still held a calm smile on his face. He was a beacon of hope and positivity for his physically and mentally exhausted troops.

He saluted to Cody, Rex and the rest as they began the journey back home.

Obi-Wan called his horse to his side. She neighed in response and obeyed his command. He stroked her caramel fur. “Good girl, Willow.” Obi-Wan leaned against her side and closed his eyes.

“Tired, old man?” Anakin teased, approaching Obi-Wan.

He turned to Anakin. “Ah, well. I wasn’t the last one to the fight.”

Anakin shrugged. “I was busy.”

Obi-Wan stroked his beard, his eyes staring inquisitively at Anakin. “With whom?”

“None of your business,” Anakin said. “Now, are you ready to go?”

Obi-Wan mounted Willow and grabbed the reins. “After you, Anakin.”

“Let’s go, Snips!” Anakin called to me.

I sprinted to him, and he held out his hand to help me up. I placed my foot on the stirrup of the saddle and climbed on R2’s back. I fit myself right between Anakin and the back of his saddle.

I slipped both my arms around his waist and held him tightly. I’d let him believe it was only because he was all I had to hold on to. Riding with Anakin was more than wonderful, and I regularly looked for any excuse to be this close to him. Lying my head on him, I deeply wished to nuzzle his back. But, of course, that was out of the question. I doubted he felt the same way I did about him towards me.

For too long, I had lied about my feelings for him to myself. Admittance of the truth, even to just myself, made my life much more bearable. Anakin was a part of my life, every single day, almost every hour. So I supposed it was inevitable that I would fall for him. And he didn’t have to know.

Anakin was a few years older than I and more mature than I in many ways. But, he never caused me to feel inferior. He had a way of making me feel like the smartest and strongest person in the room. I’m not sure if it were intentional or not.

But that was the main reason I had fallen so easily for him. It wasn’t his imposing stature, his perfect lean body, or his blue eyes. Although, those features had made my fall much harder.

“Ahsoka?”

I immediately recognized the elegant accent and sat up straight. Obi-Wan was riding close beside us.

“Yes?” I replied.

He stared at me with a concerned expression. “I just wanted to make sure you’re alright. You look drowsy. Do you need some water?”

“No, thank you. I’m doing pretty well, actually.” I said, while admiring the length of Anakin’s shoulders.

Anakin chimed in. “If Ahsoka needs anything, I’m right here.”

“Of course. But she is my protégé. Therefore, my responsibility.” With a sigh, Obi-Wan let Willow drift farther from us.

“Well... she is my best friend, Obi-Wan,” Anakin said, straightening his posture.

I felt my heart pound inside my chest, and I smiled.

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow, thankfully at Anakin, not me. “Oh, really?

Anakin scratched the back of his head. “Uh... you are too?”

Obi-Wan laughed. “I’m only teasing.”

The rumble of Anakin’s nervous laughter vibrated against my arms, which still hugged his waist.

“I hope so,” Anakin replied.

We rode on horseback across the green plains of Coruscant until the sun had set and the dark night concealed the blueness of the sky. By a cluster of giant oaks, we stopped with Obi-Wan and the troops. After the horses were secured around the trees, everyone settled down and brought out their sleeping bags. Commander Cody gathered wood fallen from the trees and started a fire.

I set my sleeping bag down near the fire. Anakin had already taken a spot on the other side. We were far from each other, but I realized it was better for me that way.

The firelight illuminated Anakin’s handsome face with an orange glow. For several minutes, I watched him smile and laugh as he chatted with Rex. He looked happy. Somehow, he was happy after surviving the horrible past few days of nonstop fighting. I suppose he had been desensitized by all the battles he had fought in. If he were hurting inside, he masked it well.

I slipped into my sleeping bag and turned away from Anakin. His smiles were too distracting and would have prevented me from getting needed rest.

I curled up and shut my eyes. Within moments, I had fully relaxed and I sensed my consciousness leaving me. My last thoughts were how fortunate I was to have survived the battle when so many others had perished. I even felt sorry for the ones who had perished at my hand. But I realized, as a warrior, I would have to move past that sorrow.

I felt a gentle tap on my exposed shoulder and turned towards the fire. I squinted my eyes to see Anakin standing over me, his sleeping bag hung over his shoulder.

“Skyguy, do you need something?” I asked.

He set down his sleeping bag about a meter from mine and sat on it. “I thought maybe I should check on you?”

I turned on my back and gazed at the stars. “I am doing fine. You?”

He sighed. “Restless.”

I wondered exactly what he meant by that. Wasn’t he tired? He should be.

“And tense,” he continued. “My right shoulder aches so badly.”

I threw the cover of my sleeping bag off my body and sat up. I had an idea where he was going with this. “Did you pull a muscle?”

“I don’t know. I think it’s just cramping up.”

I stood up and tip-toed over to him. Behind him, I lowered to my knees. “Can you point to where it hurts?”

“Kinda everywhere,” Anakin replied.

“Alright then,” I said

Eagerly but nervously, I placed my hands on both his shoulders. I dug into his muscles with my thumbs and forcefully began to massage them. I could feel the tension he had complained about and used all my effort to help him relax.

“That feels,” he moaned softly, “so good.”


	3. 3

I watched the rise and fall of Anakin’s chest. His breathing was silent and slow. He looked so peaceful as he slept on his back. His lips met in a disarming grin. And I found the way his hair was slightly disheveled to be completely adorable.

I reminded myself that Obi-Wan hadn’t given me the task of watching Anakin sleep. He had asked me to wake him up. All of the background noise of Obi-Wan and the troops picking up equipment in preparation to leave hadn’t been enough to wake Anakin.

If I continued to admire him any longer, I might draw in curious stares of those around me. And Obi-Wan seemed to have a slight suspicion of how I felt about Anakin. It pained me to interrupt his peaceful sleeping, but I had no other choice. Obi-Wan had given me an order.

I kneeled down close to him. Resisting the urge to run my fingers through his hair, I shook him gently by the shoulders instead.

“Anakin, wake up,” I whispered in his ear.

I waited a couple of seconds, but he didn’t even flinch. I would have to speak much louder.

I slapped his face a few times. “Anakin, you NEED to get up!”

He did shudder from my slaps, but he didn’t open his eyes. I inhaled a large amount of air.

“WAKE UP, ANAKIN!” I shouted so loudly that nearly every head turned my way.

Anakin shot right up, his head colliding with mine. I fell backwards from the impact.

He rubbed his forehead. “Did someone say something to me?”

My ears were ringing and the nerves in my head burned. “I did,” I muttered.

“Looks like Obi-Wan’s ready. I guess we’d better pack up, Snips.”

I stood and crossed my arms. “I’m all ready to go. Everyone’s waiting on you.”

Anakin blushed. “Oh. Is Obi-Wan upset?”

“Of course,” I giggled. “As usual.”

He rolled up his sleeping bag neatly and rose to his feet. I followed him to the oak tree in which R2 was secured to. Anakin packed his sleeping bag on the side of the saddle and then undid the knot, freeing R2 from the tree.

Anakin patted R2. “Maybe you should ride in front today, Snips.”

I cringed. “And steer R2? I don’t know about that.”

“What do you mean? You have a horse.”

“Yes, and she’s a lot less wild than he is.”

He rolled his eyes. “Do it for me, Ahsoka.”

“I guess,” I relented. I hopped up on R2’s saddle and grabbed the reins. “You gonna get on?”

He nodded and sat behind me. I tried to keep myself from trembling as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

“Is this okay?” he asked.

I nodded, too flustered to say anything.

“Are you going to move anytime soon? Obi-Wan’s gonna beat us home,” Anakin said, interrupting my daydreaming.

I sent a heavy wave through the reins. R2 went into a furious sprint, nearly throwing us off the saddle. We caught up to Obi-Wan within seconds.

I glanced back and found Anakin smiling widely as the wind rushed through his hair.

The rolling hills of Coruscant glowed from the morning dew reflecting the light from the sunrise. The sky was a hazy purple with fluffy clouds looming along the horizon.

I sighed contentedly because of the beauty before my eyes and close behind me.


	4. 4

It was midday when we arrived at castle town in Coruscant, home for all of the knights of the Order. I instructed R2 to follow behind Obi-Wan and Willow as we rode through the main street leading to King Clovis’s castle. Rex, Cody, and the troops followed in a line behind Anakin and me.

The cottage homes and businesses on both sides of the street had their doors open. And people stood outside them to welcome us home with cheers and waves.

Being a rather reserved person, I offered nothing more than my smile to show my appreciation for their welcoming of us. Obi-Wan waved and smiled.

Anakin... he was a different story.

My Skyguy had a love for attention, especially the spotlight. He most often was the center of attention at any event, not because he forced himself into that position, but because he was approachable, charming, and funny. The citizens of Coruscant, particularly the women, idolized him.

And as I watched him waving, flashing his perfect smile, and winking at the girls who shouted his name, I became aware of the extent to which he encouraged it. Perhaps, I was a bit jealous of the recognition he received.

We came to a halt at the main entrance gate on the high stone wall surrounding the castle and the courtyard. Obi-Wan stepped down off Willow and went to talk to one of the two guards posted at the gate. The guard saluted him and then signaled for the gate to be opened.

After Obi-Wan mounted his horse, the train continued through the gates. We passed by the front of Clovis’s castle, constructed of tan stone, with spires reaching over two hundred feet high. The castle was designed with five main sections, some tiered, some adjoining each-other. In its entirety, it covered three square acres.

We looped around to the section of the castle farthest in the back, housing the apartments of every knight in the kingdom. We halted near the entrance of the dorm.

“If I could have everyone’s attention,” Obi wan announced.

Almost instantly all the troops silenced, showing how much they respected him.

“Thank you. I just wanted to say that our kingdom will never know exactly how much you sacrifice to serve them everyday of your life. Thank you for fighting by my side,” Obi-Wan proclaimed.

We saluted him.

“Our king wants to honor those sacrifices with a banquet tonight, starting at eight. So I shall leave you to get ready.” After he had finished speaking, he headed to the horse stables.

“Hey, Snips, why don’t you get off here and clean up. I’ll take R2 back,” Anakin said.

“Alright,” I replied.

I couldn’t help but be disappointed when Anakin released me from his arms. Moments spent close to him were never long enough. I watched Anakin trot to the stables on R2, and then I stepped inside the dorm.

As I was on my way to my private room, I came across a maidservant in the hallway.

“Hello, Telma!” I greeted.

She stopped in front of me. “Oh welcome back, Commander Tano! is there anything I can do for you?”

I smiled. “Please, call me Ahsoka.”

“Very well. Do you need my assistance?” Telma asked.

“Could you draw me a bath? I need to clean up for the banquet,” I replied.

“Of course. Tonight is especially important,” she said. “The king has a very special guest he wishes to introduce.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Who?”

“His fiancé! She arrived a couple of days ago, but has yet to introduce her to the public,” Telma told me.

“This is news to me. Anyway, I’d better get going,” I said continuing down the hallway to my room.

“And I better draw your bath!” she shouted, scurrying away.

When I entered my dorm room, I smiled, seeing that it was organized and clean, just as I left it. A clean space always made coming home much more enjoyable, for me at least.

I wanted to jump on my cozy bed and snuggle under the covers. But I was far too dirty. It would have to wait until later.

I removed my belt holding the sheaths with my two beautiful silver swords. One was shorter than the other, but they both had matching gold hilts with an emerald set at each base. I placed my belt on the bed, and then I stepped over to my closet.

Most of the outfits inside were garbs fit for a warrior. But I did have a few formal dresses for the occasional social event hosted by the king. I pulled out a dress stuffed at the far right side of my closet.

It was a slimming, floor length gown of navy velvet which I thought would match my blue eyes nicely. The sleeves were long with ivory lace trim, and the corset was embroidered with tiny roses. Tonight, was this gown’s grand debut.

Someone knocked on my door. “Ahsoka?”

I recognized the voice as Telma’s. “Come in.”

Telma peeked through the door. “Your bath is ready.”

“Thank you very much,” I replied.


	5. 5

With only my towel wrapped around me, I paced to my room, checking in every direction to see if anyone was coming my way. And I prayed that Anakin was no where near me. I was already awkward enough around him.

I released a sigh of relief when I reached the dark oak door to my room and then once more sighed when I shut it behind me. I walked over to my closet and pulled out a short cotton underdress.

I quickly exchanged my towel for the underdress. Looking at the navy gown lying on my bed, I smiled, imagining how I would look in it. I hoped to resemble more of an elegant Togruta woman than a warrior tonight.

But I was also relieved I would wear it for only one night because I was proud of who I really was. And it’s too easy to trip on a long gown.

I loosened the corset and slipped on the velvet dress. Once my arms were through the sleeves completely, I began tying up the corset with its decorative navy ribbon.

While I was tying the final bow at the base, I heard the pounding of a fist on my door. I knew exactly who it was by the heaviness of the sound.

“Hey, Snips!”

“Just a moment!” I yelled back.

I dashed back to my closet to find my blue heeled boots that matched my outfit. I hopped around trying to put them on my feet.

I reminded myself to take a few breaths before opening the door. “Why are you here?”

Anakin bowed before me and the looked up with a silly grin on his face. “To escort you to the banquet, Milady,” he said, imitating Obi-Wan’s accent.

He had a way of making me laugh that no other possessed. “Skyguy, are you mocking the head general?”

“Of course,” he replied, returning to his regular voice.

I preferred to hear Anakin’s voice, deep and calming, above all others.

He stood straight and looked me over. “New dress?”

I lowered my gaze to the skirt of my gown. “Do you like it?”

“Oh yes,” he reassured me. “You look beautiful. I’m just not used to this formal look on you.”

I looked up at him again. He was smiling at me. “Thank you, Anakin,” I mumbled. I was stunned: he called me beautiful...

Anakin offered me his right arm, and I tentatively looped mine around his. Together, we walked down the hallways of the dorm. When we reached the exit, he let go of my arm and pushed one of the doors open for me.

“After you, Milady,” he said.

I rolled my eyes. “Thank you, General Skywalker.”

R2 waited outside for us. Anakin picked me up and set me on R2.

“Thanks. It would have been a pain to try to get up there in this dress,” I said.

Anakin sat in front of me. “I’m at your service, Milady.”

His teasing was too adorable and helped to lighten my mood. I couldn’t stop thinking about the way Anakin had called me beautiful. The dilemma of whether it meant anything or not brewed confusion in my mind. Was he only trying to be kind, or was he being sincere? And if he were sincere, did that mean I was beautiful, but as friend, or beautiful, because he liked me?

What did it mean? I needed to know. But there was no chance I would be brave enough to ask him.

When we arrived at the front entrance of the castle, Anakin secured R2 to a post. I took his hand as I stepped down the side of the saddle.

“You look distressed, Snips? What’s up?” He gripped my hand to prevent me from walking off.

“I’m scared,” I replied.

“About?”

How could I answer this question in purely platonic way? My fears came from my belief that he would never see me as more than a friend. But I wanted to be truthful. “Losing you. Well, losing people I care about,” I added. I was afraid that I would lose out on a chance with him.

Anakin patted me on the shoulder. “I understand that fear very well, Ahsoka. And I wish I could say something to ease those fears. But, you know, I struggle with that very thing.”

I looked up at him. “You do?”

“Every single day. I suppose it’s a normal thing.” He took my arm again and smiled. “Shall we go inside? Trust me, food will help you feel better.”

I laughed. “Yes, let’s, General Skywalker.”


	6. 6

I bowed before the king, Anakin on my right and Obi-Wan on my left. After acknowledging him, I looked up. King Clovis held a gold medallion in his hand, and he placed it around Obi-Wan’s neck. He reached for a second medallion, identical to the first one and awarded it to Anakin.

Then he held up a third medallion for me, silver not gold. My rank was not general but commander, after all. Still, I couldn’t keep myself from smiling when the king hung it around my neck.

“I cannot say how thankful I am to these three: Head General Kenobi, General Skywalker, and Commander Tano. Every battle you fight ensures the safety of Coruscant, my kingdom. We owe you everything,” the king said.

We bowed once more to thank him for his kind words.

“Now I have someone that wishes to meet the three of you and everyone else here. Someone that means the world to me.” King Clovis turned to the right and smiled.

A petite woman in a slimming gold gown walked up the stairs to the stage where we all stood. She wore a tiara on top of her long coils of brown hair and a ruby necklace, drawing attention to her décolleté. She smiled warmly as the king took her arm in his and moved beside him. The woman looked us over with her pretty hazel eyes. But the one she continually glanced back to was Anakin.

“This is my beautiful fiancé Padmé Amidala of Naboo,” the king said happily.

Obi-Wan bowed. “Pleasure to meet you, your Highness.”

She acknowledged him with a courteous nod.

I bowed and smiled at Padmé. But she did not reciprocate, being too busy with admiring the tall, handsome, mullet bearing general beside me. I was less than surprised. I had yet to meet a woman who wasn’t attracted to Anakin.

“Your Majesty,” he said, his smile beaming. “I hope you’re finding Coruscant to your liking.”

She then offered her hand, and he kissed the top of it.

“I am,” she replied, blushing.

Obi-Wan scoffed at the same time I rolled my eyes, and I knew we were thinking the same thing: Oh, Anakin.

The king drew his young fiancé closer to him. “We may go eat now,” he said to us.

I followed Anakin and Obi-Wan to the dinner table. The king sat down at one end and Padmé sat at his right. Obi-Wan took the seat at the end opposite the king. Anakin and I sat apart, one of us on each side of Obi-Wan. It didn’t bother me much because he sat across from me where could easily talk to him.

Within a few minutes, the first course of our dinner, a thin soup with glass noodles, was set before us. I eagerly began sipping the soup from my spoon. Because I hadn’t had a quality mean in weeks, the pungent flavor was a delight to my tastebuds. I could tell Anakin felt the same way, about the food, of course. I caught Obi-Wan glaring at Anakin, who was gulping down his food.

Anakin scratched the back of his neck and laughed silently. “I’m hungry, Obi-Wan.”

Obi-Wan shook his head. “If I were you, I would watch how you eat. You have the audience of a certain pair of brown eyes,” he whispered.

Anakin’s eyes darted over the other guests at the table. “Who? I don’t see anyone.”

“Padmé is,” Obi-Wan replied. “But don’t look up.”

Anakin frowned. “Is she really? I don’t know if I believe you.”

Without moving my head, I looked over to her. Obi-Wan was right: she was staring at Anakin. My Skyguy. Her eyes were practically drooling over him.

“She is,” I told him.

Anakin’s eyes widened and he grinned slyly.

“Is she forgetting that her future husband is sitting right beside her?” I said disgustedly.

“He seems to be more interested in talking with his friends than her,” Obi-Wan replied.

“I don’t have an issue with that. She’s very, very beautiful.” Anakin looked up, though we told him not to, and he waved at her.

My mouth nearly fell wide open when she waved back, smiling.

“Anakin!” Obi-Wan scolded as quietly as his frustrations would allow. “Don’t flirt with her, please. Have some self-respect. She’s engaged to be married.”

Anakin smiled back at her. “She started it. And note the word engaged.”

“No, you started it, Anakin, when you overstepped your boundaries by kissing her hand,” Obi-Wan retorted.

“I do that to a lot of women. It’s actually a sign of respect. And she offered her hand to me! What was I supposed to do?” Anakin defended himself.

“Oh, I didn’t notice that,” Obi-Wan admitted.


	7. 7

After everyone finished eating, the king’s servants carried the tables and chairs out of the celebration hall. A small band of the king’s favorite musicians stepped up to the stage and began playing their string instruments. Many of the guests, including some of the knights, danced to the lively music.

I found dancing to be more interesting to watch than to participate in. And I didn’t need extra embarrassment because I never learned how to dance. Everyone said it just takes practice to become good, but I had no time to waste on that. So, I supposed I’d be an observer for the rest of my life.

That is until Anakin approached me. He held out both his hands and smiled quite adorably at me. “Snips, you know, you could have just asked me to dance with you.”

I didn’t release my hands to his yet. “What do you mean?”

“I can tell you want to,” he replied, taking hold of my hands.

I shook my head. “No, Anakin. I don’t.”

“Why not? I saw you watching everyone else out there,” he argued.

“I’m afraid that I’ll just embarrass myself in front of everyone,” I sighed, in a disappointed manner.

He laughed lightly. “C’mon, Snips. You won’t. Just follow my lead.”

“You dance?” I asked curiously.

“Sometimes.” His tone was a little unconvincing.

“Fine,” I groaned. “But just one dance. And if I embarrass myself—”

“We’ll do it together,” he said, pulling me to the center of the room.

I rolled my eyes. Alright,” I relented. “Are we going to be dancing together or embarrassing ourselves together. I must know.”

He smirked. “Hopefully both.”

Anakin and I stood near the edge of the group of other dancers. He put one of his arms around my waist and held out one of my hands.

He leaned in close to my ear. “Feel free to step on my feet,” he whispered.

My wide smile quickly turned into laughter. “Will do, Skyguy.”

“Now, relax. And, again, follow my lead,” he reminded me.

Anakin started off by stepping to the side and then backwards to the rhythm of the music. With choppy steps, I tried to mirror him.

He paused. “Focus on the beat, Snips.”

I huffed. “I told you I was going to be awful.”

“Let’s just try again,” he said.

I nodded and pushed my insecurities away so that I could hear the beat of the music. I took a deep breath. Then Anakin moved to the right and then forwards.

We repeated this pattern, and that time I fell in line perfectly with his rhythm. Next he spun me around. I couldn’t believe that I didn’t trip on my own feet or his. My dress flared outwards as I spun. I was having difficulty deciding if this were a dream or not because I wasn’t embarrassing myself.

He drew me back to him. “That was amazing. I told you it would be fine.”

“You are a great dancer. I never knew that. Or expected it,” I replied.

“One of my many skills, Milady,” he teased.

Anakin released me into another twirl, and for the next half-hour we glided across the celebration hall, close together, his arms around me. And, oh, the way he smiled at me lifted my heart to the sky.

After the half-hour, we became too tired to continue. It was rather late, and we were exhausted from the fighting and traveling from the days before. We sat down on a cushioned bench with Rex and Obi-Wan.

“General Skywalker,” Rex laughed, “didn’t know you danced.”

Anakin feigned a hard punch at Rex’s shoulder. “You know, if you learned how, maybe you might have an easier time finding a girlfriend.”

Rex raised an eyebrow. “A lot of good it’s done you. I don’t see your girlfriend.”

“Well, that’s besides the point,” Anakin grumbled. “I just haven’t found the right one.”

I put a hand on Anakin’s shoulder. “I’m sure it won’t be long.”

“Thanks, Ahsoka,” Anakin said.

“Maybe Rex is just jealous of your ability to dance,” I joked.

Rex held up his hands. “No way!”

Obi-Wan interrupted. “Don’t take too much credit, Anakin. After all, I am the one who taught you.”


	8. 8

In front of the stage, Padmé stood alone. Her curly brown hair cascaded down to her waist and framed her small face. Her shiny gold dress held her thin figure in full display. She fingered her ruby necklace continuously as she stared in my direction with her radiant eyes. But she were only looking at Anakin, who was right beside me, talking with Obi-Wan and Rex. She scanned back and forth over his tall body, and she had been occupying her time with this for the last few minutes.

King Clovis was on the other side of the room engaging in conversation with the nobility. I thought it strange that he left his pretty fiancé behind. She was certainly the kind to show off.

I didn’t notice her make a single glance at her future husband once. Anakin seemed to be the one person who captured the entirety of her attention. I understood wanting to watch him forever. Every part of him was beautiful. But I refrained from that because he wasn’t mine. And I didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable.

“Ahsoka, you look upset.” The voice wasn’t Anakin’s, but Obi-Wan’s. He walked over to me.

“I’m not.”

Obi-Wan glanced up at Padmé. “She’s still staring at him.”

“You noticed too?” I asked, surprised.

Obi-Wan scoffed. “She’s lacking in subtlety. Reminds me of someone we know.” He pointed backwards towards Anakin.

“She needs to stop staring at him. It’s weird. She doesn’t even know him,” I said bitterly.

“I agree, but luckily for her no one seems to have noticed.”

I crossed my arms. “Except us.”

Anakin approached us from behind and threw his arms around our shoulders. “What are we talking about?”

Obi-Wan frowned. “You.”

Anakin patted Obi-Wan on the back. “Not a surprise, my friends.”

I rolled my eyes as usual. “Well, also about your not so secret admirer.”

“Who?” Anakin searched the room with his blue eyes.

“Padmé!” I exclaimed. “She can’t keep her eyes to herself!”

Anakin gazed towards her and the brightest smile overwhelmed his face. “She’s so beautiful. Our king has no idea how freaking lucky he is.”

Obi-Wan stroked his beard. “Ahsoka and I have come to the conclusion that she feels the same way about you.”

Anakin’s smile fell and changed into a look expressing his amazement. “You really think so?”

“It seems that way,” Obi-Wan replied. “But I wouldn’t take it too seriously. She is engaged after all.”

Anakin hung his head and nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. But would it hurt to talk to her?”

Obi-Wan glared judgmentally. He exhaled his frustrations before opening his mouth. “You know my answer to that, Anakin!”

It was the worst time for a laugh, but Anakin did so anyway. “She’s just standing there all alone. No one’s talking to her. Wasn’t this supposed to be her introduction to the kingdom?”

“That’s not your problem.”

“But it is. I’m a servant of the king. And one day she will be the queen. Therefore, I’m her servant as well,” Anakin argued.

“I feel you’re just trying to rationalize what you’ve already decided to do.” Obi-Wan patted him on the shoulder. “Tell me how it goes.”

Without another word, Anakin eagerly wound through the crowd of people to Padmé. Obi-Wan, Rex, and I stood side by side, watching him. Selfishly, I wished we were mistaken about her infatuation with him and that she would shun him. But imagining the resulting look of hurt on Anakin’s face made me want to take back that wish.

Anakin needed love and acceptance from other people. And I knew how much it bothered him when someone disliked him. He and I had had several conversations about just that in the past.

He walked right up to her, exuding confidence. Padmé smiled radiantly and received him warmly. Anakin bowed before her. But she tried to stop him from doing so.

Unfortunately for us observers, we couldn’t hear a word spoken between them. We could only watch their reactions. Very quickly I noticed a pattern. Anakin would say something; she would laugh and blush. Padmé would say something to him; he would grin and step closer to her.

And just two minutes later, they were walking arm in arm towards the side doors that led out to the courtyard.

“Maybe I should be taking notes,” Rex commented.

Obi-Wan sighed. “Flattery isn’t an honest means to impress a woman.”

“Seems to work for the General,” Rex replied.

Obi-Wan and Rex continued arguing over Anakin’s flirting and whether it was a good idea or not.

I soon ignored their talking and stepped away from them because... I didn’t want them to see my tears.


	9. 9

I slammed my bedroom door behind me and dropped to the floor. I had to take a moment to be still and focus on my breathing. I had run all the way from the celebration hall, around the castle, to my dorm, without slowing down. My overflowing tears, I couldn’t hold back when had I watched Padmé and Anakin leaving the hall together. TOGETHER! Maybe they were just going for a walk around the castle courtyard. I knew that’s all it was....

But it angered me then, and when I thought about it now, my sobbing resurged. I was so thankful to be away from that dreadful party so that I could cry alone.

I wanted to scold myself for leaving early. My actions would have been considered a dishonor towards the king and the entire Order if someone had noticed my leaving. But everyone else there had been too busy celebrating the knights’s and my own conquests. And with the two most famous generals in the entire army there, no one paid much attention to me and wouldn’t even notice my absence.

Not even... Anakin. He was with Padmé.

Thinking about how happy he was without me, tortured my heart. I started to tremble from sobbing for too long, and my eyes swelled. The truth that was hardest for me to bear was that Anakin didn’t know how I felt. He didn’t know about my jealousy or my tears. So how could I be angry with him?

These feelings I permitted myself to have towards him were my own fault, as was the onslaught of misery which resulted from those feelings. Anakin seemed to be oblivious to the fullest extent anyone could be. Obi-Wan, whom I spent less time with, seemed to know.

I was so thankful Obi-Wan hadn’t brought that up yet. It would have been too awkward for me to talk about being in love with his former apprentice. I wished I saw Anakin as only a friend. Then I wouldn’t have been so possessive of him all the time. But I wanted him to love me as I did him.

I feared that he never would. And my sobbing continued, loud and sloppy. No one else besides me was in the dorm building. They were busy having a good time at the party. At least, no one would be able to hear me. Or see me.

Or so I thought.

But a knock on my door proved I wasn’t alone.

I covered my mouth and suffocated the sound of my sobbing.

“Snips, I know you’re in here.”

I gasped and jumped away from the door. Anakin was the last person I wanted to see me in my pitiful state. I stayed silent, hoping he might go away.

“Ahsoka!” he shouted desperately. “Unlock this door right now! You shouldn’t be alone like this.”

As sweet as those words were, I couldn’t let him see me. I probably looked terrible. And my silence continued.

“Please, Ahsoka. Let me help you. I wanna know what’s bothering you,” Anakin said, his voice trembling.

I huffed. Of course, Anakin had to be the one other person here. He had heard my cries, and my silence wouldn’t convince him to leave.

“Well, make sure you’re not by the door... because I’m breaking in.”

I heard his footsteps as he stepped back. I couldn’t believe this, but I had to let him in. Otherwise, he would hurt himself. I don’t think he realized how hard my oak door was.

“Wait!” I shouted. “Hold on.”

With all reluctance, I unlocked the door and cracked it open.

Anakin pushed through the sliver of space and took me into his arms. He laid his head on mine and rubbed my back.

Annoyingly, I couldn’t stop myself from crying again. There was something about his hugs. It was the way he could say to me that everything would be okay without uttering a word. Maybe it was his presence? Or maybe it was just me?

But I already felt a little better, though he was the reason I was crying in the first place.

“Why are you here?” I asked, knowing that he left Padmé to be here and wondering why he did.

He let go of me and placed his hands on my shoulders. “When I came back inside, I didn’t see you. And Obi-Wan didn’t know where you were. So for the last twenty minutes, I’ve been looking for you. I knew something was wrong.”

“Y—you—you came looking f—for me?” I stuttered.

“Don’t look so surprised. You’re making me feel bad,” he replied.

“But I thought you were with Padmé?”

He nodded and then looked into my eyes. “Well, I was. But we didn’t talk for long. The king needed her or something. But who cares about that. What’s wrong with you?”

His blue eyes were too distracting so I turned my head to the side. “It’s nothing you could fix.”

He grinned. “Might want to take a second look at who you’re talking to,” he teased.

“I’m serious, Anakin.”

“You could at least tell me what this is about. You don’t cry over nothing.”

I stepped away from him and wandered to my bed. “I think I’m just tired.” I turned on my side, away from him.

“I don’t believe that.” He crossed his arms and walked to me. “I’d appreciated a little more information, if you don’t mind.”

I sighed. He did come all this way and left the celebration for me. So I needed to come up with something believable. I would start with a truth. “I guess I feel alone.”

He sat beside me on my bed. “Well, what can I do to help?”

“Nothing. Like I said, you can’t fix it.”

“Is this about a certain person?”

I turned and glared at him. “No.”

He half-smiled and wiped a tear off my face. “So it is. Do I know this person?”

I laid back down and scoffed. “I said it wasn’t.”

He gave a long sigh and stood up. “Alright then. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. But I’ve decided, you and I are going fishing tomorrow at the bay. So you better be up early.”

I sat up. “You serious?”

He ran his hands through his hair. “Of course. It will be like old times.”

I jumped out of my bed to give him a hug. “I can’t wait then. As long as you don’t complain about all the sand.”

He groaned. “Please, Snips. We’re going to fish off the pier. Not off the shore. You know me.”


	10. 10

Completely dressed for the day, I turned over in my bed. I looked to the single window along the outer wall of my room and huffed. The sunlight had begun to peak from the horizon, and the sky had turned from dark blue to lavender. The early morning was escaping quickly.

My fishing rod, net, and bucket was sitting beside the door. I was packed and ready to leave. All that was missing was Skyguy.

I covered my face with my pillow and screamed into it. I had been waiting for two hours, having risen before the sun. That’s what we used to do when we would go fishing. We were always at the bay before the sun was. He said we would catch more fish that way. And he was correct. We would come back with our buckets full.

It had been at least a year since we last fished together. Wars drew us away from home often. And as the years passed by, it was as if we had less time to enjoy ourselves. I hoped the last battle we fought would be our last. At least for a few months, if not a year.

All the positivity inside of me hoped that today would be reminiscent of the time spent with Anakin before all the wars raged across Coruscant. Those carefree days had lived only through my memories.

I muffled my shouting with my pillow once more. Why Anakin wasn’t here yet? I was growing anxious. Had he forgotten about our trip?

I decided that waiting around for him was too frustrating and that my energy could be put to better use. I decided to go look for him. I rolled out of bed and left my room.

When I arrived inside the hallway where Anakin’s room was, I watched his door open, and he stepped out. I dashed to his side.

He yawned. “Good morning, Snips.”

He wore a thin cotton shirt and brown trousers, sloppily tucked into his boots. I averted my eyes away from his muscular chest, noticing that he had yet to button up his shirt.

His hair had that slightly messy look, indicating he had just woken up. And taking in his composure and the way he dressed, it was even more obvious.

“Hi, Anakin,” I said quietly, staring at my feet so that there would be no chance that I would catch another glimpse of his chest. I was already trembling enough.

“Sorry, I slept in. I tried to get ready as fast as I could.”

“I can tell,” I commented.

He tilted my chin up with his fingertips. “I’m not down there, Snips.”

From my viewpoint, I could see the sharp outlines of his clavicles, and I knew I was blushing too hard. “Sorry. I guess I’m tired.”

He yawned again. “Same.” He moved closer to my face, inspecting me. “Why is your face so red?” He held a hand to my forehead. “I think you might have a fever.”

I pushed his hand away. “No, I feel fine,” I snapped.

“Geez. Sorry for being concerned.”

I turned away from him. “Let me go get my stuff and we can leave.”

“And I’ll go get R2 and you can meet me out front,” he said.

I returned to my room and picked up my fishing pole, bucket and net. Because my hands were full, I struggled to shut my door. I grabbed the handle with my pinkie finger and closed the door, not bothering to lock it.

I almost skipped the entire way. Anakin and I were going fishing... together! My pulse quickened at the thought of spending time with only him.

Seeing Anakin with Padmé the other night, even if it was nothing more than a friendly conversation, reminded me of what I had to lose, if he fell for someone that wasn’t me.

We wouldn’t be able to be close anymore. And she would be all he thought about, and he would go to the ends of Coruscant to make her happy through his attention, devotion, and affection. Everything he had. That’s the kind of man he was. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want that for myself.

I pushed the entrance doors open with my back and stepped outside.

There he was, my Skyguy, sitting on R2’s back, waiting for me in front of the apartment complex. With his posture and certain well-defined features, he could have been a reference for a sculpture. I no longer saw the moody teen I used to know. Within the last three years, he had changed so much. And I realized that the boy had grown into the man I always knew he would be.

When he noticed I was outside, he waved and smiled at me. I waved back, holding the handle of the bucket in that hand and started walking to him.

My steps were careful because inside I was frightened. I knew today was blessing me with a chance to tell Anakin how I felt, before it was too late. It would be he and I on the pier, alone. It would be foolish to waste this opportunity.


	11. 11

“I’m so excited for our trip, Ahsoka!” Anakin flashed his smile at me while sliding off R2’s back.

He grabbed my fishing equipment from my hands and began securing it onto R2’s saddle for me. I stepped over to R2’s face and held up my hand to his muzzle. He neighed and tapped my palm with his nose.

I stroked his dark fur. “Good morning! I missed you.”

“Hey, now you’re starting to sound like me,” Anakin laughed.

Anakin’s voice sounded much closer to me than before. I took one step back from R2 and then half turned. He was right behind me, and the closeness made me shiver. In a panic, I leaped to the side to place more distance between us.

Anakin frowned and stared at me with puzzled eyes. “What’s going on? You’ve been acting jumpy lately. You haven’t been yourself. Not around me at least.”

I scratched my right elbow furiously and laughed dryly. His scrutiny was making me feel uneasy. I didn’t know what to say. He had picked up on my awkwardness. If only if he would have done the same with my feelings for him.

I shifted from side to side, stumbling over the words I wanted to speak. He stared at me with his gorgeous eyes, and easily I could lose myself in them if I looked for too long.

“General Skywalker!” someone shouted from behind us.

Anakin spun around on his heel. “How can I help you, Rex?”

I titled to the side so that I could see from behind Anakin. “Hi, Rex!”

“Commander Tano,” he acknowledged.

Anakin crossed his arms. “Ahsoka and I were about to leave. So let’s make this quick.”

“I don’t know if that’s going to be possible, Sir.”

Anakin’s shoulders sunk, and he clenched his fists. “What is it?” His tone was less than polite.

“The king, Sir, requests your presence. He said it was an emergency.”

“I’ll be right there,” he muttered.

Anakin turned to me, with grieving eyes. “I’m really sorry, Ahsoka.”

I waved my hands. “Oh, no, please don’t be sorry! This isn’t your fault. We can meet up some other time.” I wanted to alleviate his guilt completely. As disappointed as I was, the guilt I saw in his eyes was even harder to bear.

“Well, I told you I would take you fishing. And now I’m not.”

Rex interrupted. “General, the king said it was urgent.”

“Right. Bye, Ahsoka.”

Anakin jumped onto R2’s back and galloped off towards the castle.

Once he was out of view, I hung my head and blinked through my tears. Duty, again, was separating us. And this time it had ruined my plan on how today could have gone. If I would have had the opportunity to say what was in my heart, tomorrow might have been different. He might have been mine then.

Today could have been the last day of wondering if we would ever be more than friends. Instead, I knew I would spend it wishing I hadn’t decided to wait until we reached the pier to tell him. I should have just said it this morning. The first words out of my mouth should have been I love you. I didn’t understand why it felt impossible to say those three little words.

“Commander Tano, is everything alright?”

Rex’s voice startled me. I had forgotten he was there. I inhaled and stood straight, masking my sorrows with a smile. “Oh yes. I was just thinking.”

He nodded and began to walk away.

“Hey, Rex,” I called to him.

He stopped and turned back around. “Yes?”

“Do you know why the king needs Anakin? Because, maybe I should offer my assistance as well. You said it was an emergency.”

Rex shook his head. “He asked for Anakin specifically.”

“That’s unusual. Anakin normally isn’t his first choice.”

“Sorry, Commander.”

I refrained from sighing sadly and maintained the false smile on my face. “No worries, Rex. I only wanted to make sure.”

“Can I ask you something, Sir?” Rex asked.

He held a curious grin that made me hesitant to respond. Did he suspect something between Anakin and me?

“Sure,” I managed to say.

“Well, since you’re free, I thought I might invite you to have breakfast with me and the boys.”

I exhaled from my nose in relief. “That would be nice.”

I followed Rex to the refectory adjoined to the knight dorms. He opened the door for me, and I stepped inside. Almost half of the knights in the kingdom were in the refectory. They sat on the wooden benches along the wide tables and filled their mouths with breakfast.

From the mouth-watering scents that filled the room, I guessed we were having steak. I sat down at a table with Rex and looked at the plate in front of me. I smiled, having been correct.

I looked all around me at the faces of the soldiers, making jokes and laughing. Their contentment helped to distract me from the disappointment of the day. I was grateful to be included in Rex’s group of close friends. They treated each other as brothers almost, a close bond that had helped us win countless battles.

And for this short time, I wasn’t thinking about Anakin Skywalker.


	12. 12

I held out a shiny green apple in my hand over the wooden gate of the stall. I made a clicking sound with my tongue, and my horse darted up and leaped towards me. With her large teeth, she eagerly chomped down on the apple. I petted her gently on her muzzle. Her snow-white fur was fluffy and softer than the other horses, and her mane was thick and as white as her fur.

I smiled, recalling the first time I met her. She was smaller than the other horses, but that was something I related to, being the shortest knight in the kingdom. From the start, I knew we would get along perfectly. She was gentle and obedient. And though she was small, she could keep up with R2’s speed through her determination to do so.

Anakin was the one who brought her to me because he knew I would love her. He used to often say that she was the horse-version of me. I wasn’t too convinced at first, but eventually I understood just how similar we were. I would be forever thankful to Anakin for bringing a friend like her into my life.

Since she was white, small, and unusually fluffy, my first name for her was Bunny. But as I became more aquatinted with her personality, I later decided to add to her name. Though she was gentle, she reminded me in many ways of the sea. She was fast, powerful, with a seemingly endless supply of energy. And she loved the water. So I began to call her Sea Bunny. Surprisingly, Anakin admitted it was a cute name.

Once she finished eating the apple, core and all, I opened the gate and led her out of the stall. I told her to stay still, and I bent down to check her right back leg.

I didn’t bring her along during the last battle because her leg was previously injured. I inspected the site of the injury. Her cut had healed nicely, and the scar was nearly gone.

I’m sure Sea Bunny was dying for a chance to get out and run freely, having been trapped in the stable while she healed. I would have gladly gone out with her for a quick ride, but it was too dark outside. I wouldn’t be able to see well enough at this time of night.

Normally, I would already have been asleep in bed. But I was worried. I hadn’t seen Anakin since this morning when he left to see the king. I had asked around, but no one, not even Obi-Wan, knew his whereabouts.

I reminded myself that Anakin could certainly take care of himself. He was the best swordsman in the kingdom, I thought. There was no reason for my worries. Yet, I was one step away from taking my horse and going to look for him, regardless of the danger. He could be alone, cold, or injured.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I to had find him. I ran to Sea Bunny’s stall and pulled her leather saddle off the wall. Having placed it on her back, I began buckling it tightly around her torso.

“Where do you think your going at this hour?”

I immediately looked up, and he was standing in front of me. His brilliant blue eyes were what I had been waiting to see all day. I sprinted over to Anakin and hugged his waist.

“So I guess you must have missed me,” he said, smirking.

I sniffled. “I was a little worried. You were gone for a really long time.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

He and I were alone here, just like we would have been at the pier this morning. I took a step back and exhaled. I was ready... maybe. I didn’t want to wait for another opportunity to come my way. I needed him to know now.

I was about to speak, but as I opened my mouth, Anakin, unknowingly to him, proceeded to interrupt me.

“I really was upset having to leave you all of the sudden,” he stated.

“Duty comes first, Anakin.”

A wider smile appeared on his face. “Well, today ended up being pretty great.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

His cheeks flushed, and he scratched the back of his neck. “The king didn’t really have an emergency. He just needed me to give Padmé a tour of the kingdom. He was too busy. So, he got me to do it.”

I furthered myself from him. “You spent the whole day with her?” I was able to maintain a casual tone, though I wanted to scream.

He sighed contentedly. “Yeah it ended up that way. We lost track of time. Which is why I’m back so late.”

I pressed my mouth into a firm line and reminded myself to breathe. Reacting would make me look bad, and Anakin wouldn’t understand my jealousy.

The thought of him spending the entire day with Padmé was beyond terrifying. I was panicking, without much of a logical reason. My mind immediately imagined the worst case scenario between them. I wanted to know what happened, what she said, and exactly what he did.

The happy smile on Anakin’s face revealed he had enjoyed himself. His eyes were distant, as if he were thinking about her. I abruptly turned around and walked over to Sea Bunny. I started unbuckling her saddle.

Anakin approached me. “Are you mad at me?”

I didn’t look back at him. “No.” I hung the saddle on the wall and led her back into her stall.

“If I did something to upset you—”

I cut him off. “You didn’t”

After I locked the gate, Anakin moved to hug me. But I held him back by holding up my hands.

“Please tell me what’s bothering you, Ahsoka.”

I felt tears streaming down my face, as I looked into his eyes. “I’m just not ready.”

I watched his happiness vanish in an instant. And a shadow of helplessness dimmed the light in his eyes. “You’re my best friend. I thought we told each other everything.”

“Not this. Not now. I’m too angry to explain myself.”

I stormed out of the stables. He didn’t follow.


	13. 13

It was a strange feeling, not having spoken to Anakin in three whole days. I wasn’t trying to avoid him. But I was pretty sure he was avoiding me. I hadn’t passed him in the halls of the dorm one time. For as long as we had been friends, we never fought. Our last conversation was the closest we had came to fighting. And Anakin was right: we used to tell each other everything.

The sadness I saw in his eyes when he realized that I was keeping something from him was burning in my memory. It was nearly all I could see now. I, his best friend, had hurt him. And after I was so worried that Padmé would hurt him, I was the one who did. Anakin and I had our disagreements, but we never let them effect our friendship. But this… what I had done… was so… selfish.

Anakin was probably left wondering why I didn’t trust him enough to confide in him all of the sudden and what he did wrong. I wanted to sob, thinking about this because it was entirely my fault. I needed to apologize and explain myself. But that would require telling him that I loved him in a way beyond friendship. I wasn’t ready to tell him. I was too afraid of how he would react and that we would never be close again if he didn’t feel the same way. But I couldn’t leave things as they were. Anakin was too important to me.

I grew more anxious knowing that now was not the right time to find Anakin. Obi-Wan had left a note on my door saying he wished to speak to me first thing today. And I now stood, waiting for him to open the door to his office in the castle.

“Good Morning, Ahsoka,” he greeted as he let me inside.

I left my distracting thoughts of Anakin at the proverbial door, as best I could, that is. I wanted to give Obi-Wan my full attention. It was rare that he would call me directly to his office. “Hello,” I said.

He offered me a chair. “Please sit down.”

I thanked him, and he sat down behind his desk.

“What is this about, Master?” I asked him.

He shifted in his chair uncomfortably and stroked his beard. He gave me a small, almost sympathetic smile. “I know everyone has been recovering from our last battle against the people of Tatooine. And I hate to ask this of you, Ahsoka.”

“Ask me what?”

He sighed mournfully. “I have more confidence in your abilities than most. Which is why I need your help. Last night, the messenger from the citadel along our eastern borders was supposed to report back to me. But this time he didn’t.”

“How does this involve me exactly?”

“I need you to run by the eastern citadel to make sure everything’s alright. This incident could have only been a mistake.”

I nodded. “Of course, General. I would be happy to do that for you.”

His composure brightened. “Thank you. I am sure nothing is wrong. But I’d like to confirm that. Though, I would recommend bringing someone along in case you run into any issues.”

“Yes, sir,” I said. “When should I leave?”

“As soon as you can.”

I gave a slight bow to Obi-Wan, and walked to the door. “Do you know where Anakin is? I think I might ask him to come with me.”

“I believe he is with Rex at the shooting range, testing out new bows.”

I nodded and left his office. I wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that. Anakin was hanging out with Rex, instead of me. Anakin didn’t even ask me if I wanted to come. He must have been more upset with me than I first believed.

The only person I wanted with me on this assignment was Anakin. But since he was purposely avoiding me, I wondered how he would respond or if he would talk to me at all. He could ignore me completely.

I determined to not allow my fears to prevent me from going to him. After all, I was the one who needed to apologize.

* * * *

Just as Obi-Wan had said, Anakin and Rex were at the shooting range outside the dorms. The range was rather makeshift, being just a designated plot of land instead of a building. The fence surrounding the land marked where the range was.

Anakin and Rex had set up several woven targets all around them on ground and various pedestals. Anakin stood next to the side of the fence opposite the targets. The intense sunlight beamed on Anakin’s shirtless back, and his skin was gleaming with sweat. I wanted to stop staring… but then again, was that actually necessary? Because I was far away from him, Anakin wouldn’t notice. And no one else was around to see.

A few minutes more wouldn’t hurt anything but my already damaged integrity.

So, I continued my admiring of him from a distance. He held up his long bow and pulled the string back almost to the breaking point. He said something to Rex and smiled pridefully. He released, not just one, but four arrows at once, and they hit the target in a nearly perfect line. Anakin enjoyed showing off too much. Luckily for him, Rex was used to his antics.

Rex shook his head and then held up his bow and aimed at a target with a single arrow. I laughed, seeing the shock on Anakin’s face when Rex hit the bullseye more accurately than he. Rex’s response, no doubt, was very humble.

Remembering my assignment, I huffed. No more admiring General Skywalker for me. I rode on Sea Bunny’s back up to the gate surrounding the range.

Rex spotted me and waved at me. “Commander Tano, good to see you!”

Anakin turned around to face me. He gazed at me with empty eyes and no smile.

I stepped down from the saddle and opened the gate. “Hi, Rex,” I began. I felt awkward not greeting Anakin, but my presence seemed to disgust him.

Anakin looked away and held up his bow, aiming at a target.

“What brings you out here?” Rex asked.

I stood beside Rex. “Well, General Kenobi wants me to check up on the eastern citadel. He said the messenger didn’t report last night.”

“That’s definitely unusual,” Rex replied.

I switched my focus to Anakin. “Obi-Wan suggested I bring someone along. I was wondering if—” I hesitated, fearing he would say no. But I couldn’t ask Rex to go instead in front of Anakin. Rejection from Anakin was the better option, unfortunately for me. “I was wondering if you, Anakin, are available.”

He lowered his bow and sighed heavily. He glanced over to me. “Can’t. After this, I’ve got something to do.”

He barely looked at me. And his short glance was better described as a glare. I winced, not expecting his response to be that brash.


	14. 14

Anger smoldered within me and rested on my tongue. Here I was, attempting to smooth things over, giving us both a chance to talk about the problem; and Anakin shut me down immediately, first with his eyes and then with his words.

I forbid myself from saying anything. In my state, a kind, calm response was out of the question. Because he was already frustrated with me, I decided my silence was the best response. I would talk to him later when we both were more approachable.

I stomped away back to Sea Bunny, who was waiting patiently outside the gate. I patted her on the back and situated myself on her saddle.

“Well, I guess it’s just you and me, girl,” I muttered.

“Wait, Commander!” Rex ran up to the gate. “If you don’t have anyone else in mind, I could come with you. My schedule’s free for the next few days.”

I looked back at Anakin, who was staring at me. He seemed surprised that Rex wanted to come.

“Commander?”

I blinked and turned to Rex. “Yes, sorry. That would be perfect!” I said, purposely loud enough so that Anakin could hear.

“Good. I’ll just inform General Kenobi, and then we can leave. Meet me back here in twenty minutes.”

Rex called his horse and rode off to the castle.

When I glanced back to Anakin, I saw him scowling as he held up his bow. Was he actually upset that Rex was coming with me instead of him? Anakin seemed pretty intent on saying no when I asked him.

I caught him looking at me several times as I waited for Rex. And each time, I jerked my head away awkwardly while he stood still with an unreadable expression. I didn’t know Anakin had it within him to mask his emotions so well. He normally didn’t….

I thought I knew him better than I did myself. But maybe not.

I waited another minute before glancing at him again. When I looked up, he was already on the other side of the range. Because that side of the fence had no gate to open and close, he leaped over it and then left on R2’s back. His departure was abnormally rushed, making it more obvious that he wanted to get away from me.

He was avoiding me. There was no longer any doubt in my mind.

I grabbed the reins and led Sea Bunny over to a large oak tree nearby for shade. The sun was unbearably hot, and I’m sure Sea Bunny hated sunburns as much as I did.

From the spot I selected under the tree, I had a clear view of where Rex wanted to meet. I hoped he wouldn’t be much longer. Obi-Wan stressed that we leave quickly.

To distract me from my impatience, I began to braid Sea Bunny’s mane. I reached for a section of her coarse white hair and split it into three parts. I intertwined them with each other to create a thick braid, and would glance up to check for Rex every so often.

Around the time I finished braiding her entire mane, Rex showed up with his horse at the gate. I jumped back up on Sea Bunny, and we trotted over to him.

“Thanks for helping me, Rex,” I said with a smile.

“You’re very welcome. But General Kenobi and I were both surprised that Anakin isn’t coming. Something seemed off about you two today.”

I grimaced. “Uhh. Everything’s fine. You heard him. He had something to do.”

“Not that Obi-Wan knows of. And those things normally go through him.”

I crossed my arms. “Maybe we should just talk about something else.”

Rex shrunk back. “Sorry, Commander.”

“It’s fine. But let’s get going.”

He handed me a canteen wrapped in a leather case with a long strap. “I brought you some water. And there’s food for both of us in my backpack.”

“Thanks Rex.”

Side by side, we galloped away from the castle and then out into the open fields.


	15. 15

At dawn of the next day, the dark silhouette of the citadel was in our view. Rex and I had been traveling by horseback all day yesterday and all night, only stopping a couple times for rest. We slowed our galloping to a canter so that out horses could catch their breath.

I stretched my arms out and then reached for my canteen. I took a few sips of water as we casually trotted over the hills. Rex removed his backpack from his shoulders and set it in front of him. He pulled out a stick of beef jerky for himself and handed one to me. The jerky proved to be a workout for my jaw muscles, but the delicious, salty taste of the meat was worth my efforts.

The sunlight peaking from the horizon helped to keep me awake as I struggled to keep my eyes open. Looking over at Rex, I noticed he was having the same problem. But we both knew now was not the time to stop. We were less than an hour away from the citadel.

I stroked Sea Bunny’s neck. She was the one who truly had an excuse to be tired. She had been moving almost nonstop, providing me an easy ride all this way. After we secured the citadel, we would stop for some much needed rest.

“Commander, I think we have a slight issue,” Rex warned. He was pointing at the citadel’s silhouette. “Do you see that”

I squinted. “I see the citadel.”

Rex shook his head. “No, look a little off to the side. It’s very faint, but I believe that’s smoke.”

The piece of beef jerky fell out my hand. “I think you’re right.”

“This is not a good sign,” Rex said.

“What are we gonna do?” I asked him.

Rex’s eyes went wide. “You’re in supposed to be in charge, aren’t you?”

I let a hint of a smile form on my lips. “Uh… didn’t you say experience outranks everything, Captain?”

He scoffed. “You just want to get out of having to come up with a plan.”

“Yes….”

Rex hit my shoulder. “I have a suggestion. Let’s first ride up there and see what’s going on. Then we can move on from there.”

Without another word between us, I shook the reins, and Sea Bunny shifted into a sprint. Rex followed close behind us and mirrored my speed. We bounded hill over hill and shot through the grassy meadows.

I was thankful the sun hadn’t risen completely because I would have been drenched in sweat. The temperature was abnormally hot already, and shade was nonexistent in the wide open spaces. Sea Bunny impressed me with her ability to keep going. Perhaps her light colored fur helped to keep her cool. I wished she knew how proud of her I was.

We had been traveling for about twenty minutes when we came to the woods that enveloped the far eastern side of Coruscant. The citadel was close by, probably around three miles away. Since our horses needed to rest, we decided to stop for a few minutes before continuing.

I fed Sea Bunny a couple apples during our break and looked through the trees at the citadel in the distance. From here, it was clear that what Rex had spotted was smoke. And smoke was indicative of fire.

“Rex, something’s wrong. I just know it,” I said.

He looked out at the smoke, swirling around the citadel. “We need to stay calm. But I would agree with you.”

“We need to go now. I have to see.”

Rex nodded and mounted his horse. “Well, let’s hurry then, Sir.”

“I’m sorry, girl,” I said to Sea Bunny, as I slid back on her saddle. “I promise we’re almost there.”

We rode on horseback for two and a half miles and decided to walk the remaining half mile. We secured our horses around one of the many trees in the woods and continued on foot. Rex thought it would be a more subtle way of approaching the citadel. And I was glad to give Sea Bunny a break.

Rex and I took cover behind a cluster of brush a few hundred feet from the citadel. The air was thick with the remnants of smoke, but I could still decipher the graffiti covering the tall stone barrier surrounding the citadel.

I saw the evidence of fire in the burnt, dead grass surrounding the barrier. My chest tightened, me taking in all the destruction that marked our once beautiful citadel.

I looked up to the central spire and noticed a long pole hanging horizontally out of a window. A long flag was tied to the end. I recognized the emblem on it very easily.

“That—that’s the Mandalorian flag,” I said to Rex. “I didn’t know they were still around.”

Rex pounded his fist against a tree. “Obviously, they still are.”

“I’m going around to get a look of the other side.”

Rex followed me. “I’m coming.”

We crouched down and crawled around in the brush. It was safer that way because we didn’t want to be spotted by the enemy. I stopped when we came around to the front side of the wall where the iron entrance gate stood. It was bent inward, providing a small opening that, no doubt, our invaders created.

I wished damaged property was the least of our worries. Through the metal bars of the gate, I could see the destruction within the barriers. Countless dead bodies of our men were scattered across the ground. They had been slaughtered ruthlessly by the Mandalorians.

I turned my head away, unable to look anymore. My jaw clenched with hatred. “Do you see that?” I shrieked.

“Calm down, Commander. I do see it.”

“We have to do something!”

Rex held a finger to his mouth. “You need to stay quiet.”

I exhaled. “Sorry.”

“Since the entire citadel had been taken, we must assume that there are at least one hundred Mandalorians in there. Quite possibly the entire tribe. We have one option. One.” Rex placed a hand on my shoulder. “You must go back to General Kenobi. We need reinforcements.”

“Me? Alone? What about you?”

“I will stay here and watch them. And then form a plan for when you come back.”

I shook my head. “If they find you—”

Rex smirked. “They won’t. I promise. Now go, Commander. We can’t waste time.”

I hugged Rex. “Good luck, Captain.”


	16. 16

The darkness of night enveloped the sun faster than I thought it would. I could barely see the layout of the land, for the moon above was only a dimly lit sliver. I used the stars to maintain the correct direction forwards, and they did illuminate the land enough to keep me from leading Sea Bunny into objects such as trees.

Our pace was much slower returning home than it was while traveling to the citadel. I couldn’t allow Sea Bunny to run full speed anymore, though she would have if I told her to. That would risk damaging her legs permanently. Rex would have to hold on for a while longer.

This was my second night without sleep. Simply being tired was like a distant dream.

The only thing that kept me awake was thinking of how alone Rex was. I hoped he was as good at hiding as he led me to believe. Rex was someone I couldn’t lose. Not this way. I knew I must go back for help, but I felt as if I were leaving Rex behind. If he were captured or killed, wouldn’t it be my own fault?

I couldn’t stop moving until I knew Rex was safe. I didn’t care how many more nights I had to stay awake.

When the sun rose, the white light made my eyes sore. And I missed the darkness, especially the cool night air. Under the sun, miserable heat and painful rays of light that burned my skin and my eyes flourished.

The hours creeped by, as we continued across the hills of Coruscant. The seas of green had become sickening to me.

Drifting to sleep, I nearly fell off Sea Bunny’s back. I would have, but suddenly she broke out into a sprint, startling me back to consciousness.

“Hey! Slow down you’re going to hurt yourself!”

She didn’t listen.

I pulled back the reins, but they had no effect on her speed. “What is going on with you?”

She neighed loudly, as if she were responding.

I looked ahead. And that’s when I understood why she was acting so strangely. She saw the castle, our home.

I petted her. “Sorry, I didn’t know. Thank you, girl.”

Because of Sea Bunny’s determination, we were able to reach the castle within ten minutes. She dropped me off at the main entrance. And I stumbled half-asleep through the hallways and various rooms until I reached Obi-Wan’s office.

I pounded on the door. “General Kenobi!”

He opened it. “Ahsoka!”

I fell into his arms, gasping for air. “R—Rex needs us. He’s in danger. Man—Mandalorians overtook t—the citadel.”

Obi-Wan led me to a chair and allowed me to sit down. “Mandalorians?”

“Rex thinks the whole tribe is there.”

Obi-Wan sighed profoundly and stroked his beard. “I see. I shall send reinforcements.” He placed a hand on my shoulder. “You need to get some rest.”

I waved my hands frantically. “No, I have to find Anakin. Rex needs his help. Where is he?” I rose to my feet.

“You need to sit down.”

“Where is he, Obi-Wan?” I asked demandingly.

“I believe he is,” he frowned, “with Padmé. He was supposed to drop her off at her room. And I have a feeling he’s still there.”

The only words I heard was Padmé and room. But that was all I needed to locate Anakin. I knew the castle too well, and could no doubt find my way around blindfolded easily.

Inside the castle, there was one large room near the king’s chambers that was only for very special guests. And I was certain that’s where Padmé was staying.

Somehow, I found it within myself to run. My exhaustion caused my running to be clumsy, but it was significantly faster than my walking. When I reached Padmé’s door, I didn’t bother to knock. I grabbed the handle and swung the door wide open.

On the couch set in front of her bed, she sat beside Anakin, a little too close for my taste. But I didn’t have the energy to worry about him with her. Rex needed me to stay calm so that I could help him. I didn’t know how much time he had left.

I marched to them without saying a word. The look of bewilderment on their faces made me take a few steps back. I probably looked pitiful, with dark circles around my eyes and dirt covering my skin. I doubted I smelled good either.

“Ahsoka? What happened to you?” Anakin stood up and stepped in front of me. His voice echoed his concern.

I could hardly stand upright, shifting from side to side. “Rex. He needs you.” I almost fell over, but Anakin caught me. “The citadel… there were… Mandalorians.” I wanted to say more, but I began to struggle with hearing myself speak.

I watched Anakin’s mouth moving, but his words didn’t reach my ears. Slowly, his worried face blurred in my vision.

Until, all I saw was darkness, nothingness. Everything was silent. And my world was still.


	17. 17

_I waited out on the balcony, the frosty moonlight illuminating my skin with it’s blue glow. Like the blue of his eyes. I couldn’t remember why I was out here in the first place, and I didn’t recognize the carvings on the balustrade I leaned against. I looked up to the multitudes of tiny stars, expecting to see my beloved constellation that reminded me of him, but I couldn’t find it._

_Where was I? A better question was: how did I get here._

_I was dressed in the same navy, velvet gown I wore at the banquet. But I didn’t remember dressing myself. What was the occasion?_

_A cool breeze whispered through the air, making me shiver. I was about to turn around and go inside, when I felt a tap on my shoulder._

_I smiled. Anakin. He was holding a knitted shawl out for me._

_“You look cold, Snips,” he said, wrapping the shawl around me._

_I sighed. I missed him calling me Snips. It felt as though he hadn’t for years._

_“There’s something I need to tell you,” he announced._

_I shivered again. “I have to tell you something too.”_

_He put a finger to my lips. “Let me go first, please.”_

_I nodded._

_Anakin reached out and hugged me. “All these years, we’ve been friends. And I’ve been a coward. I should have told you long ago that I—” he sighed, “I love you, Ahsoka. I always have.”_

_My throat grew dry, and I struggled to voice what I was thinking. I couldn’t believe he loved me. All the signals he’d given me over the years were actually signals, then? I couldn’t believe it. I raised my hand to his face and stroked his jawline. He was really my Skyguy._

_He pulled away for a second to meet my eyes. “Say something, Snips!”_

_“A—An—Anakin, I—”_

_He drew me closer to him. “Yes?”_

_My swirling emotions needed an escape. I couldn’t hold back my words anymore.“I’ve always felt that way! But I didn’t know how to tell you!”_

_He smiled. “Well, I said it for you. So, now you don’t have to.”_

_Anakin leaned down and lifted my face up to his. Slowly, he moved in for the kiss I had been waiting for, for so long._

I sat upright, gasping for air. I looked around, finding myself in a room all too familiar, my own bedroom. The morning sunlight streamed through my window. How long had I been sleeping?

I kicked off my sheets and moved to stand. But my head began to pound before my feet touched the floor. I laid back down on my pillow and remained still. Eventually, the pressure inside my head numbed. I turned slightly, and the pain returned from my movement.

I wanted to fall back asleep and go back to my dream where I was alone with Anakin out on the balcony. There, everything was exactly how I wanted it to be. I wasn’t worrying about him thinking of other women. In my dreams, I knew he loved me, just the way I did him.

Tears ran down my face. I wanted nothing more than to relive that moment in reality.

While I mourned the brevity of my dream, the door to my room creaked open, startling me. I turned my head and found a boy standing in the threshold. He appeared to be around my age. I had never seen him before, but because of the armor he wore, I assumed he was also a knight.

“Oh, you’re awake,” he mumbled.

“Yes. What do you think your doing in my room?”

He scratched his wrist and hung his head. “Um… General Kenobi told me to check on you once every hour.”

I sat up and stared at him with my frown. “I’m awake now. How long was I out?”

“About— about a day.”

I gasped, thinking about Rex and the Mandalorians. “I have to get back there.”

This boy had the audacity to step further into my room. “No. General Kenobi thinks it’s best if you get some rest.”

I jumped to my feet and shuffled around the room to look for my swords. “Captain Rex needs my help.”

“General Skywalker and the 501st left as soon as you told them. They’re already at the citadel, I’m sure,” the boy replied.

I grabbed my armor off the floor and began strapping it over my uniform. I then tied my belt, carrying both my swords, around my waist.

“Ahsoka, you might have a concussion.”

I glared at him. “I don’t need your concern. Rex does. And I’m leaving to help him. Don’t bother trying to stop me.”

I walked past him out of my room. He ran after me down the hallway.

“Ahsoka! General Kenobi has given me orders to look after you!” he shouted. “Please slow down!”

I sprinted faster. “Leave me alone!”

Without looking back once, I kept running, in spite of my intense migraine. I needed to get away from that annoying boy and help Rex and Anakin at the citadel.


	18. 18

I slowed my running when I came to the horse stables. Entering, I winced and rubbed my aching forehead. My headache still lingered. But I couldn’t let that slow me down. I’d dealt with problems far worse before.

When I approached Sea Bunny’s stall, she jumped up to the gate and neighed loudly. I stopped and turned to her. Smiling, I stroked her fuzzy fur. After all she had gone through the last few days, she still was excited when I came to see her. I couldn’t fathom where she found the energy to do so.

“Good morning! I’m glad to see you too. Were you able to get some rest?”

Her response was a quick neigh.

“Well, I have to get going, girl. I’m sorry I won’t be able to take you with me. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

She seemed to understand and neighed again. Then, she curled back down on the hay in her stall. I waved goodbye and walked further down the passage between the two rows of stalls. I had to find another horse to ride to the citadel. I didn’t like the idea of that because I didn’t want Sea Bunny to feel betrayed. But I think she realized I had no other choice.

Of course, I could have been wrong. I didn’t know how horses thought. Although… Anakin seemed to speak their language easily. He practically had real conversations with R2. They were a special pair, to say the least.

I wish R2 was available. I almost loved him as much as Sea Bunny. Almost.

While passing by a few different horses, I studied their behavior. I was looking for one that was obedient and calm, two traits necessary for a successful journey back. Near the end of the stables, I noticed a horse with brown and white spots. I wasn’t sure whom it belonged to, but it’s composure seemed to be relaxed, especially when comparing it to the other horses around.

The name Apollo was inscribed on a metal plate attached to the gate of the horse’s stall. I approached the gate, and Apollo let me pet the top of his head.

“That’s my horse, you know,” a panting voice echoed.

I turned my head and saw that same boy. He was holding onto a wooden post, while trying to catch his breath.

I scowled and stepped away from Apollo. “Oh.”

Once the boy finished gasping for air, he stepped closer to me. He held out his hand for me to shake. Reluctantly, I shook his hand, although only to be polite.

“My name’s Lux Bonteri by the way,” he said with a smile.

I pulled my hand back. “You apparently already know mine.”

“Of course I do. You’re pretty popular with my circle of friends.”

Me, popular? I was having trouble believing it. Anakin was the popular one. But I appreciated the compliment, though it came from his mouth.

Lux grinned. “Wait… did you just smile because of me?”

I forced myself to frown and glare at him. “No. I was thinking of someone else.”

He laughed. “General Skywalker?”

I froze and felt my cheeks burn with embarrassment. “Excuse me?”

“It was a joke. But half of the time, he’s all the girls talk about. At least the ones I know,” he scoffed, his tone hinting at his jealousy.

I crossed my arms. “Anak— General Skywalker is one of my good friends. I would appreciate it if you would talk about him respectfully.”

“Right. Sorry,” Lux apologized.

“Thank you. Now, if you don’t mind, I have to leave immediately.”

I opened the gate to the horse’s stall across from Apollo’s. This horse was a deep mahogany in color with shiny short fur. I grabbed the side of it’s bridle and let it outside of the stables. I didn’t take the time to study it’s character. All I cared about was escaping Lux’s stare.

I cautiously climbed on top of my temporary horse. When I gazed towards the stables, Lux, on Apollo’s back, was trotting towards me.

“What do you think you’re doing?” I snapped.

Lux smirked. “I’m coming.”

My mouth fell open. “Oh no you’re not.”

“General Kenobi’s orders. I have to watch over you.”

“He said you have to check in on me every hour,” I argued.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Lux wink at me. “I can’t do that if we’re not in the same place.”

I groaned, releasing all my frustrations. “Fine. But I don’t want to talk to you on the way there.”

He shrugged. “Not exactly polite. But not exactly a surprise.”


	19. 19

Rain poured from the dark clouds above while thunder roared through the humid air. White lightning struck the very top of the citadel, startling me around the moment Lux and I arrived. My clothes were soaked and heavy and I found it unusually difficult to slide off the saddle of the horse I was borrowing.

Lux tied our horses to a tree so that they wouldn’t run off if they were scared by the lightning. I sneaked around in the brush surrounding the outskirts of the citadel and looked for Rex. It was no surprise that he wasn’t there. When Anakin came, they most likely left the cover to begin the counterattack Rex had planned.

Several streaks of lightning struck the ground nearby, one after the other. I covered my ears and curled into a ball on the wet grass.

“Ahsoka, are you ok?” Lux shouted.

I hugged myself as I shivered from my fear. I couldn’t look up at him, so ashamed of myself. Here I was, a knight of Coruscant, a commander, and I was afraid of… lighting. It usually didn’t bother me when I was inside. But I had never been right in the middle of such violent storm.

Without Anakin, I felt very alone and very cold. I tucked my hands under my clothes in attempt to warm them.

Lux kneeled on the ground at my side. “Are you hurt?”

I shook my head. I didn’t move and kept my eyelids sealed shut.

“Ahsoka, you’re scaring me!”

I reminded myself of the danger Anakin, Rex, and all the troops were in. Mandalorians were much more dangerous than lighting, which had little chance of hitting me because of the tall trees and citadel nearby. There was hardly a reason for my fear, but telling myself that didn’t make it go away.

I felt the rumble of lightning hitting the ground and heard the booming thunder in the distance. My heart tightened in my chest, and my fears crushed my strength once again.

“You’re afraid of lightning, aren’t you?”

I braced myself for a string of teasing jokes. But Lux didn’t speak an unkind word like I thought he would.

“Don’t worry, Ahsoka.” He patted me on the shoulder. “Everyone’s afraid of something. Take as much time as you need. I’m quite sure that General Skywalker and Captain Rex can handle things.”

I turned my head and opened my eyes. Lux was smiling sympathetically at me. From our earlier conversations, I didn’t expect him to be so understanding.

“Just focus on taking slow breaths, and we can go when you’re ready.” He grinned curiously. “Even if the lightning doesn’t stop by then, I have a greater chance of being struck because I’m taller than you.”

His joke was actually funny. And I laughed. Anakin used to tell me jokes when I was sad or scared.

“If there’s anything I can do, please don’t hesitate to ask,” he said.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. “Just stand nearby me so the lightning won’t hit me.”

He held out his hand and assisted me with standing to my feet. “Ah, so you liked my joke.”

“A little too much. And I think it’s a great idea actually,” I replied with another smile.

As we crawled out of the brush, lightning flashed through the cloudy skies. I jumped and clutched Lux’s arm.

“It’s at least a mile away, Ahsoka. You can tell from the thunder.”

I released his arm. Realizing how close we were to each other, I stepped away cautiously. “Oh, thank you.”

“No problem. But we’d better get going, right?”

I stayed low to the ground as I approached the entrance gates of the citadel. When we reached the gate, we remained behind the sides of the stone walls for cover and tried to catch glimpses of what was happening inside through the metal bars of the gate. Though, it was near the middle of the day, the storm clouds had blocked out the light from the sun completely. I had difficulty seeing because of the darkness and the rain.

The lightning and thunder had begun to slow down, occurring less frequently. And I was able to hear faint metallic grinding sounds, like the slashing of swords.

I signaled to Lux that I was going to go through the opening in the gate. He responded with his hands, saying that he would follow.

Carefully, I climbed through the hole created by the bent in the gate. Once Lux had done the same, we inched our way forwards. At my feet were two dead bodies, one Mandalorian and one of ours. I refused to dwell on that image. I had made it this far. I couldn’t stop now.

I noticed a faint outline of two soldiers, swords swinging at each other. As I moved closer, I recognized one of the soldiers immediately, whose height and broad shoulders were distinctively Anakin’s.

I broke out in a sprint towards him. He was mud-covered and soaked through and through with rainwater. He was dodging hits and dealing out counter attacks to a Mandalorian warrior, whose head and body were covered with their characteristic silver armor.

The Mandalorian was much shorter than Anakin, but he or she dealt faster attacks. Anakin used all his strength with each hit on his enemy’s sword. The Mandalorian, though quick, couldn’t match Anakin’s sheer power and fell back onto the muddy ground after blocking several attacks.

Anakin held his long silver sword against the neck of the Mandalorian. “It is over. We have won. Take off your helmet. I want to see your face.”

“Never. Go ahead and end me. Death is better and quicker than surrender,” the Mandalorian warrior replied.

Anakin knelt down, still holding the blade to the warrior’s neck. “I’ll do it myself then.” With his free hand, he grabbed a hold of the helmet and pulled it off.

Long, blonde hair cascaded downward and became wet from the rain as soon as the helmet was removed. The Mandalorian warrior was a woman with pale skin, a very slender nose, and remarkably high cheekbones. Her beauty amazed even me.

The look on Anakin’s face revealed he was even more stunned. “I don’t want to hurt you. I just want this battle to be over.”

The woman scoffed. “My people were not the ones who began this conflict. Your king Rush Clovis was the one who ensured we would always be at war when he stole land that rightfully belonged to my people.”

“Your people, the Mandalorians, destroyed our citadel and killed many of my people! Good soldiers!” Anakin shouted.

She nodded. “The lives we take, we do not take them lightly. But we must fight for our land. My people have been without a home for over one hundred years. As their leader, I will not let it be a hundred more.”

Anakin brought his blade closer to her neck. “Surrender before you lose many more of your people. If you truly care about them, you will. We have won.”

“No!”

“Please, I don’t want to have to take anymore lives today. If you return to Coruscant with my men, you can make a plea to the king. I will see to it.”

“I do not trust the people who took my land. I am ready to die.”

Anakin huffed and sheathed his sword. “Fine. You don’t have to surrender. But I’m not killing you.”


	20. 20

The Mandalorian woman stared at him with grateful eyes, but she said nothing. Anakin rolled her over and bound her wrists together tightly with rope. He lifted her up to her feet and removed her sword from her hand.

“I’m going to leave your feet free so you can walk. But don’t get any ideas. I will make it impossible for you to move if you try anything,” Anakin said sternly.

The woman nodded. “You’re not like your king. What is your name?”

Anakin furrowed his brow. “Why do you care? Tell me yours first.”

She smiled. “Satine Kryze.”

“Anakin Skywalker, General of Coruscant, and leader of the 501st,” he replied proudly.

“I will call off my warriors because you have much honor, General. I agree that no more blood must be shed.”

I stood still, keeping distance from Anakin. I didn’t want to distract him from his victory. He didn’t need my help after all. But I was happy for him. Satine called out to her remaining warriors to drop their swords, and they immediately listened to her command.Our troops bound the wrists of the Mandalorians and marched to Anakin.

Rex moved forward to speak with Anakin. “What’s our next move, General? We didn’t bring anything to transport all these prisoners.”

“I know, Rex. We’re going to have to go on foot.”

Rex clenched his jaw. “General, may I talk to you in private?”

“Sure.” With a smirk, Anakin handed Satine to another soldier. “Make sure you watch her. She’s pretty crafty.”

Anakin and Rex started walking away from the troops, towards me. Standing about twenty feet from me, Anakin locked eyes with mine.

He started running. “Ahsoka?”

Within the next moment, I was wrapped in his wet, muddy arms. I just stood straight with my arms at my side, unsure of how to react. Was he happy to see me?

“I didn’t think you would come,” Anakin said.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

He scratched the back of his neck. “Well, I was kinda being a jerk earlier.”

“We can talk about this later,” I said, patting him on the shoulder. “Rex needs to say something to you, remember?”

Rex approached us. “Glad you were able to make it back, Commander. Anyway, General, I don’t want to argue, but I’m not sure it will be best to bring all these Mandalorians back home with us.”

Anakin crossed his arms. “What exactly do you want to do with them then?”

“I’m not suggesting anything. I just want to bring up a few concerns the troops have.”

“And those would be?”

Rex cleared his throat nervously. “I am worried about traveling on foot in this weather. It is very dangerous, and it will take us nearly five days to go back. That would give the Mandalorians many opportunities to attack us.”

“What do you want to do then? KILL THEM???” Anakin shouted in Rex’s face.

I stroked Anakin’s arm. “Calm down. Rex is only trying to have a conversation with you,” I told him.

Anakin took a few deep breaths. I watched his composure soften towards Rex within seconds. “Right. Sorry. I understand your concerns but, as the ranking officer here, we’re taking them home alive. I think the Mandalorians’ situation is more complicated than what we were taught.”

Rex clenched his fists. “And you are getting this from whom? The pretty blonde woman? Of course she would lie to get you on her side!”

“Her name’s Satine. And, yes. I’m getting this from her. I believe she tells the truth. I’d like to give her a chance.”

Rex glared at Anakin. “THEY KILLED OUR MEN! MY BROTHERS!”

Anakin placed a hand on Rex’s shoulder. “Rex, I know that. And I’m so sorry. But we’ve taken just as many of their lives here and in the past. If Coruscant really took their land, we have to do something about it.” Anakin frowned. “That’s an order, Captain.”

Rex nodded respectfully and returned to the rest of the troops. Anakin hung his head and sighed sadly.

Unable to stop my urge to console him, I rubbed his back. “I think you’re doing the right thing, Anakin.”

He looked up at me. “Thank you. I really missed you, Ahsoka.”

I wanted to hug him again, but I didn’t think that would be appropriate in this situation. “I missed you too.”

Anakin’s eyes drifted behind me. He pointed to something. “Who’s that?”

I turned my head back. I gasped inwardly. I completely forgot about Lux. “Oh, this is Lux Bonteri.”

Lux shook hands with Anakin. “Good to meet you, General Skywalker. Ahsoka has told me great things about you.”

I nudged Lux’s side with my elbow, and he winced from the pain.

“You alright?” Anakin asked Lux.

Lux glared at me. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

The three of us walked to the entrance gate where the rest of the group waited. Anakin took Satine back from the soldier and helped her through the opening in the barred gate. I followed behind Anakin, and Lux stayed close behind me. Once everyone had gone through the opening, we began the long journey home.

I was overwhelmingly thankful that the lightning and thunder had ended, and the rain was only a light shower. But my clothes were still wet and chafed my skin. An extra pair of clothes wouldn’t help my condition because of the rain. Somehow, the dreary surroundings and my uncomfortable clothing didn’t bother me in the least bit.

Anakin and I were talking again. That’s all that mattered to my heart.


	21. 21

King Rush Clovis was utterly horrified, watching Anakin and I trample along his red carpets in the throne room with our muddy boots. Satine walked in front of us, just as filthy as we were. When we arrived back home after traveling for nearly five days, Anakin refused to take a moment to bathe and change his clothes before visiting the king. He was determined to take Satine to the king immediately so that they could discuss the alleged unfair treatment of the Mandalorian people.

Anakin was the type of person who would go above and beyond for anyone in need, even if he didn’t know them well. Some, like the king, saw this as a weakness. And this habit of Anakin’s often distracted him from his duties as a knight. But I found it to be one of his best qualities. Maybe he went a little too far sometimes. But that just showed how much goodness and love that was inside him.

The king pointed to Satine, and his face became red with anger. He stood from his throne and called his guards to his side. “General Skywalker! How dare you enter my throne room without permission, soil my carpets, and bring a prisoner with you! I should have you all arrested.”

Anakin passed Satine to me. He moved forward towards Clovis. “Your Highness, I’m sorry for my rudeness. But she needs to talk to you.”

Clovis sneered. “I don’t talk to prisoners. They aren’t fit to be in my presence or THRONE ROOM.”

I watched Anakin clenching his fists hard, holding back his frustrations. “Sire, she isn’t just a prisoner. Her name is Satine. She’s the Duchess of Mandalore. Don’t you recognize her armor?”

“It was covered in filth. Of course I didn’t! But thank you, Anakin, for bringing that to my attention.” He smiled smugly. “Guards, arrest the Mandalorian immediately. Her kind is only allowed in the darkest of dungeons on Coruscant.”

Anakin unsheathed his sword and held it up to the guards. “Not a step closer. Not until you at least listen to what Satine has to say. Please, your Highness. Please.”

The king called off his guards with the wave of a hand. He approached Anakin, as if he weren’t intimidated by him in the least bit. “Skywalker, I could have you arrested for treason right now.”

Anakin lowered his sword. “I understand. But I believe Satine and her people at least deserve your attention for a few minutes. Did Coruscant take over her land or not?”

Clovis laughed in Anakin’s face and circled around us. I used all of the self-control within me to keep myself from slapping the king. Also, I didn’t want to be beheaded… which was the usual consequence for laying a hand on him. My heart burned with hatred towards the way the king was treating Anakin. And I could do nothing but watch.

“You do not understand, Skywalker. She is an enemy of my kingdom. Her people were banished over a hundred years ago,” the king proclaimed.

“Why? Everyone’s heard that a million times. But why were they banished? Why was their land taken? Explain what they did to us,” Anakin replied. “I don’t want to hear an old tale. I need facts.”

A dark smile appeared on Clovis’s face. “Perhaps what you need is a lesson. A lesson on what happens to those who question me.”

“I’m not questioning you. I’m questioning the history of Coruscant versus the Mandalorians.”

“A history which I have established as truth. Therefore, you are questioning your king. I am very disappointed in you, General.”

“Sire—”

“SILENCE!” Clovis roared. “Speak another word and I will have you and the Mandalorian executed at dawn.”

Anakin hung his head and nodded submissively.

“Good. Now release the Mandalorian into the custody of my guards.”

For almost a minute, Anakin held on to Satine. He stared at her with regretful eyes, telling her how sorry he was. Satine smiled sadly and unclenched his grip around her arm with her hand. She willingly walked over to the guards.

They pushed Satine to the floor and began kicking her in the abdomen. Clovis stood and watched them without a word.

Anakin launched himself at the guards and tackled one of them away from Satine. I followed Anakin’s lead and pushed back the other. Anakin effortlessly overpowered the guard and held him on the floor by the neck with his foot.

My opponent charged with with his blade aimed at my torso. I blocked with my shorter blade and executed a counterattack with my longer one. The guard whipped his sword back in time to protect himself.

I realized this whole situation was escalating quickly, hearing the metal march of soldiers entering the throne room and approaching us. I dropped both my swords and held my hands up.

“Anakin, lower your weapon,” a man with a familiar accent said.

I turned around slowly to find Obi-Wan standing in front of the group of soldiers.

Anakin obeyed Obi-Wan’s stern order. “Master, let me explain.”

“Now isn’t the time. You need to stand down,” Obi-Wan said.

“But, Obi-Wan!”

“Quiet. I understand exactly what is going on here.”

The king stepped in between them. “Arrest them all, General Kenobi.”

Obi-Wan shook his head. “Your Highness, Anakin is exhausted and isn’t thinking straight. I will have a talk with him and before the sun sets he will have apologized for his behavior.”

The king walked back to his throne and sat down. He glared at Anakin and me. “Alright, I suppose you’re right.”

Obi-Wan bowed. “Thank you, your Highness.”

Obi-Wan gripped Anakin’s arm and pulled him along out of the throne room. I ran after them, pushing through the other soldiers. I knew why Obi-Wan left with Anakin so quickly. He didn’t want to give Anakin a chance to say anything else.


	22. 22

I distanced myself from Obi-Wan and Anakin. I had never seen Obi-Wan so furious with Anakin than he was at this moment. Obi-Wan’s eyes that were always gentle were filled with anger. He simply stood in front of Anakin and stared at him. Anakin turned his head to the side, averting Obi-Wan’s gaze.

Anakin crossed his arms, and his lips silently muttered curses.

“Anakin Skywalker, look at me!” Obi-Wan said sternly.

“You have no idea what was going on in there. That Mandalorian woman— I don’t believe she should be arrested. Or her people,” Anakin seethed between clenched teeth.

“I agree,” Obi-Wan replied.

Anakin lifted his head back and looked at Obi-Wan with surprise. “Wait what?”

“I believe they deserve a trial. I think that the king isn’t being fully honest on what happened between us and them. But there is nothing you or I can do right now.”

Anakin slammed his fists into the wall.

“Calm down!” Obi-Wan ordered.

“How can I? They were beating her! She was defenseless. How can you just do nothing? They’re taking her to the dungeon before she even got to say anything! How can I do nothing?” Anakin shouted.

“Quiet your voice. What they did was very wrong. But you senselessly endangered yourself and Ahsoka because of your temper.”

“I had to do something!” Anakin cried out.

“Your intentions were good. But you have not helped her situation by demanding and ordering the king around.”

Anakin held up an accusing finger to Obi-Wan. “You did absolutely nothing. At least I tried.”

“I kept you from going to prison. You can’t help that woman from inside a jail cell, can you?”

Anakin’s shoulders sunk. “Yeah. I guess so.”

Obi-Wan’s eyes returned to their soft, friendly look. “The Mandalorians will spend some time in prison. But I’m going to spend much time looking for the real truth of what happened between our countries all those years ago. Don’t worry, my friend. We will do something.”

The corners of Anakin’s lips curled downwards into a frown. “You could have started with that.”

Obi-Wan laughed. “You interrupted me.”

“Sorry.”

They smiled at each other and walked towards me as if their argument didn’t happen only moments ago. I rolled my eyes at them and followed behind them. Having a talk with Obi-Wan was always a good thing for Anakin, who needed input from someone older and wiser than he was. Obi-Wan offered clarity and direction that I could not. Although Anakin claimed to hate talking with Obi-Wan, he was often at peace with life after most of their conversations.

Anakin wanted to know everything without help from anyone. He didn’t like taking advice from anyone, especially his superiors. But now that he was an adult, Anakin seemed to take advice, at least from Obi-Wan, into consideration, at least, as he made his decisions. Everyday, I was realizing more and more that Anakin was all grown up. Sometimes, I missed the whiny kid Anakin. Back then, he looked up to me. Now, I found myself looking up to him and not because he was taller.

Obi-Wan escorted us to one of the back exit doors of the castle. He suggested that we should stay away from the king for awhile but also reminded Anakin that he did need to apologize eventually though.

Anakin growled under his breath and walked out the doors without a word.

“I’m sure I can get him to come around,” I told Obi-Wan.

He stroked his beard. “Please do try.”

I said goodbye to him and then ran after Anakin. I used what little energy I had left to catch up to him.

He smiled at me. “What? Did Obi-Wan send you to come change my mind?”

“Oh so you’re not upset with him?” I said between breaths.

He shook his head. “Not Obi-Wan. He’s the Negotiator. Smoothing things over is his what he does instinctively. But I don’t believe I need to apologize to that bastard.”

“Anakin, you shouldn’t talk about the king like that. Even if it’s true. Someone could hear you,” I scolded.

He sighed. “I know. I just don’t know how I’m going to do that. Apologize to Clovis? Why would Obi-Wan even suggest that?”

I stepped in front of Anakin and forced him to slow down his pace. “It’s because he is concerned about you. He knows how important your job is to you. And you need to have a somewhat decent relationship with the king in order to continue being one of the top knights. But you already know this.”

“So you’re taking Obi-Wan’s side?” Anakin asked, without expression in his voice.

I hesitated. His tone revealed nothing about what he was thinking. Neither did his eyes. The last thing I needed was for him to be angry with me, after we were finally talking as normal again. “I’m taking your side. And so is Obi-Wan.”

Anakin stepped around me and continued walking forwards. I trailed behind him.

“Are you mad at me again?”

“No. I just don’t want to talk about this. I want to get to my room and clean off and sleep. And sleep.”

“Oh ok. I just don’t want to get in another argument with you like before. I don’t know how I survived not talking to you. It was awful.”

Anakin stopped unexpectedly. And I almost knocked into him.

“I think I made an unnecessarily big deal out of things. And I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings, Ahsoka. I understand if you don’t want to tell me everything. I don’t want you to feel like you have to because that would be cruel. You deserve whatever privacy you think you need.”

“Oh… thank you.” I couldn’t say more, struggling to hold my tears back. I wanted to tell him how much I appreciated his apology. I should have.

Anakin reached out and hugged me. “I won’t let it happen again.”

Normally, I would have been opposed to hugging his mud covered body. But it didn’t really matter because I was just as filthy.


	23. 23

I stood inside the outdoor training arena and unsheathed my swords. I walked up to a grindstone and stared sharpening my longer blade. Looking around the arena, I didn’t see Anakin. I felt stupid for expecting that he would be here this morning because he had been absent for the past two weeks. He hadn’t told me why.

The past two weeks, everything had been back to normal. We talked and laughed like we used to. We ate meals together in the refectory. The only thing that was different is that he hadn’t shown up for our usual morning workout/training session. It had always been a time for us to spend alone together, where we could focus on strengthening ourselves and each other.

I always looked forward to the morning because of this, but I hadn’t for the last two weeks because Anakin wasn’t there. I didn’t know why. We were on great terms, I thought. None of his actions or words led me to believe for a moment that something was wrong between us.

But why hadn’t he shown up?

Once I finished sharpening my swords, I wiped them off with a leather cloth. I continually glanced back to the entrance checking for Anakin. I disappointed myself every time. But that didn’t keep me from looking.

I began practicing my attack stances for my warm up. I held my longer sword in front and my shorter one behind me. As I moved my feet into position, I heard footsteps approaching me. It had to be Anakin.

My eyes darted upwards to the entrance. But it wasn’t him. It was someone who’s very presence annoyed me. He didn’t even have to say a single word.

I wanted to curse him out. But I held my tongue. My anger came from wanting Anakin to be the one to come, not him. “What are you doing here, Lux? This is my private time to train.”

Lux ignored my words and walked right up to me. He was smiling and placed a hand over the sword sheathed on his belt. “You usually train with General Skywalker, correct?”

I glared at him. “Usually. Which is why you aren’t supposed to be here.”

“I noticed he hasn’t been showing up,” Lux added.

I crossed my arms. “Have you been stalking me?”

“What. No! But I happen to pass by here often.”

“Right,” I said. I wasn’t convinced. But I just wanted this conversation to be over and for him to leave.

“General Kenobi said it would be fine if I filled in for General Skywalker,” Lux said.

With my eyes narrowed sharply, I shook my head. “No. You didn’t even ask me. I’m saying no. Anakin and I always work out together in the morning.”

Lux raised his eyebrows. “You mean General Skywalker. You keep calling him by his first name.”

“I am a higher rank than you.” I straightened my posture. “And, Anakin and I are good friends.”

“Oh, just friends….” Lux’s tone indicated he suspected something more.

“Yes,” I confirmed. “Now please leave.”

He started to walk away, but stopped. “How about just for today? So you won’t have to be alone.”

I shook my head and turned my back towards him. I was glad I couldn’t see the expression on Lux’s face as he left. By the tremors in his voice, I could tell I may have hurt him. But I couldn’t let him stay. What if Anakin did decide to show up? If Lux was there, Anakin might think I replaced him. And I needed Anakin to know how much I wanted him and preferred him above all others.

That wouldn’t be the impression he would have if he found Lux with me, even though company would have been nice. Yes, even Lux’s.

* * * *

Later that evening, I was on my way to my dorm after finishing a conference with Obi-Wan. I decided to go the long way home so that I could stop by the training arena. I had realized I left my canteen there when I went this morning.

I was already annoyed and tired from the days tasks and what I really wanted to do was to take a nice warm bath and relax. But no. I had to walk farther just because I left my canteen.

I let out a long huff when I entered the training arena. It reminded me of how Anakin had disappointed me for the last two weeks, every single day. I missed our special time together too much. Those mornings would have been a good time to tell him how much I love him. With his absence, he was unknowingly stifling those plans.

When I lifted my sulking head to start looking around the arena for my canteen, I could hardly fathom what my eyes saw.

What was Anakin doing here at this hour?

In the firelight, his shirtless back glistened with sweat as he performed single handed pushups effortlessly. I was too angry, too hurt to stand in awe of his magnificent form. I couldn’t believe he was here without me when he knew we always came together. Forget about the stupid, stupid canteen.

Upon noticing me standing beside him, Anakin stood to his feet. “Oh hey, Snips. What are you doing here so late?”

“What are you doing here so late?” I retorted. “I thought you preferred mornings.”

“Hey, no need to get mad. I just haven’t been able to make it then,” he replied, kneeling down on the ground to continue his pushups.

“Why not? And why didn’t you tell me?” I almost shouted.

Anakin paused. “Oh gosh. I’m sorry. I forgot to tell you. I’ve just been so busy.”

I stared at him judgmentally. “Busy with what?”

He stood up again, and he scratched the back of his neck as an ever so slight smile formed on his lips. “Well… Obi-Wan assigned me to be Padmé’s bodyguard for now. That’s why I haven’t been able to meet you in the mornings. That’s usually the time I have to report to her.”

“You mean for the last two weeks you have been doing this. And you didn’t even bother to mention it once?” My voice squeaked as I fought back the urge to scream at him.

“I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal. It just slipped my mind,” Anakin said casually.

I exhaled before continuing. “It’s not a big deal. I could care less how much time you spend with her. I don’t care at all.”

“Well, I hope not. It’s not really your business. It’s just a job anyway,” Anakin muttered crossly.

“I have to go,” I said, leaving without saying goodbye.

As fast as my feet would carry me, I stormed out the arena and into the night. I couldn’t let Anakin see me in my current state. I was furious and jealousy was scribbled in big, bold letters across my forehead. Jealousy was not the way I wanted him to find out about my feelings for him. I wanted love to be the way. Only love would do.

Any other emotion would hurt my chances of him reciprocating my feelings. If he knew I was jealous of Padmé, he might think I was completely ridiculous, more ridiculous than he already knew I was. Was Anakin’s love and affection too much to ask for? If I could only wish for one thing in life…


	24. 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Thank you for making it this far. I wanna know what you think of the story so far. Is it still interesting? I’m actually over halfway through with it most likely and am planning the sequel.

I no longer expected Anakin to come. This morning, I didn’t look back to the entrance every five minutes or even every ten. I knew and accepted that he wouldn’t be present for our morning workout at the arena. It wasn’t our workout anymore. It was mine. Just mine.

There was an upside, I guess. Alone, I could completely focus on myself, and as a result, my workout was much more effective. I wouldn’t be distracted by Anakin, who always went shirtless at the gym. I wasn’t complaining, of course. His body was beyond perfect in my eyes. And I couldn’t stop myself from stealing glimpses of him every chance I got.

He hadn’t caught me once. I was thankful because drooling over someone who is supposed to be a platonic best friend was unofficially kind of off limits. I felt like I was breaking some unspoken rule every time I admired him.

But, at the same time, I also wished he would have noticed. Then he would know how I felt.

I was terrified of telling him because I was afraid of losing his friendship. Yet, the consequences of never telling him were even more unbearable. I couldn’t watch him love someone else like I wanted him to love me. As much as I would want to be happy for him, I wouldn’t be able to. I wanted him for myself.

I sighed and began stretching my arms and legs to prepare for my workout. Exercise helped my center my mind and diffused my worries temporarily.

“Hey, Ahsoka,” a voice called.

It wasn’t the deep, thundering voice that belonged to my love. I didn’t even have to look up to know it wasn’t him.

“Ahsoka?”

I turned my head to the intruder reluctantly. “Why are you here Lux?”

He set down his backpack on the ground and walked towards me. “I just wanted to ask again. I wanted to ask if I could join you.”

I looked into his eyes and without hesitation I answered, “Yes.”

He began to ramble on as if he didn’t hear me. “I get it. Anakin is your best friend. But why does that mean we can’t be friends? I really wish you would give me a chance. It’s not—” Lux looked up at me, eyes wide. “Wait did you just say yes?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, I did.”

The brightest smile beamed from Lux’s face.

“Just don’t talk too much, please. I didn’t come here to talk,” I muttered.

Lux nodded in agreement. “Okay. Don’t worry.”

We exchanged glances and slight smiles. I was happy to have some company, even if it wasn’t Anakin’s. Maybe I should have given Lux a chance sooner. He seemed a little less annoying to me now.

Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all.

* * * *

I turned over beneath my soft sheets and snuggled up to my pillows. The slight euphoric feeling often experienced after having a good night’s sleep was what numbed my senses. For the first time in a long time, I felt well rested. It wasn’t because I slept a full nine hours, though that was refreshing.

It was because I felt freer and happier than I had felt in a long while. Yesterday was a good day, which was unusual only because Anakin wasn’t apart of it. I didn’t see him once. And I don’t remember even looking for him once.

Lux had been with me that day. Almost all day. After working out, we stopped by the refectory for breakfast and ate together. And then later, we took our horses for a ride in the grassy fields of Coruscant. He also brought me to dinner too. I never would have expected enjoying time with Lux....

He actually was a sweet guy. I could see us becoming friends possibly in the near future. Of course, no one could ever replace Anakin in my life. And I could never feel as strongly about anyone else but Anakin. However, Lux was present in my life right now.

Anakin wasn’t....

I rose from my bed with a smile on my face. I stepped over to my closet and dressed myself in loose clothing. I was supposed to meet Lux again at the training area today. Was I looking forward to it?

After I was fully clothed, I clipped my belt around my waist. I picked up my canteen and headed out the door.

“Hey.”

Hearing the familiar voice, I looked up. Seeing him leaning back against the wall facing my dorm, I froze. I forgot to breathe. And couldn’t find the strength to speak.

“Snips, it’s good to see you,” he said.

I sighed. He was so gorgeous. And his smile, oh his smile, made me tremble and blush. The way I sometimes acted around him was too juvenile.

“Hello? You there?” He waved a hand in front of my face.

I gulped. “Yeah. Yes, Anakin. Hi. How are you?”

“Just fine. You?”

“I’m well. I was leaving for the gym.”

Anakin frowned sympathetically. “Yeah, about that. I’m really sorry I can’t make it.”

I shrugged. “It’s ok. But how are you here right now? Doesn’t Padmé need you?”

His cheeks turned red at the mention of her name. “Well, yes. Well, she needs a bodyguard, which is actually kinda why I’m here.”

“What do you mean?”

“Actually... I have some big meeting I have to attend with Obi-Wan. I tried to get out of it. But it’s apparently mandatory. So Obi-Wan told me that you have to fill in for me.”

I took a few steps back. “Wait. You mean he wants me to go to the meeting for you?” I really hoped that was what he meant by “fill in.” I knew it wasn’t, but I was trying to be hopeful.

“Um no, Snips. I meant as Padmé’s bodyguard. I know you might not like her. But please just try to be nice. Give her a chance. Padmé has been a really good friend to me,” he finished with such sincerity.

I really wanted to say no. But this was Anakin. I didn’t think I had it within me to tell him no, not when he was begging with those eyes.

“What do you say, Snips?”

“Yes, I’ll do it. But only to help you out. Not her,” I responded harshly.

He smiled. “I really appreciate it.”

“You owe me, alright, Skyguy,” I teased.


	25. Chapter 25

I huffed, waiting outside Padme’s bedroom door. She had kept me standing there for well over ten minutes. Hearing clamoring footsteps and low voices inside, I was on the verge of breaking in, regardless of how hard the door was. Padmé had yet to say a word to me, and she was already failing at her second impression.

Pressing my ear to the door, I shamelessly began to eavesdrop. I wanted to know what was going on inside. Within the next moment, Padmé started shouting and crying. I had difficulty understanding her words clearly.

A man’s voice yelled harshly in response. “I wasn’t asking you, Padmé! I expect to see you there!” It wasn’t Anakin’s voice; that much was certain. It didn’t sound at all like him, and he would never talk to a woman like that.

“Just leave!” Padmé shouted.

I jumped away from the door as soon as I heard footsteps approaching. Attempting to look casual, I crossed my arms and leaned against the wall. Her bedroom door swung wide open, nearly hitting me in the side. Clovis was the one she was fighting with. He stormed down the hallway back to his room at the end, without acknowledging my presence.

I stepped around the door and stood at the threshold. “Your Highness,” I said to Padmé. I successfully hid the disgust that was writhing inside me for her.

She turned my way. “Oh, hello, Ahsoka. Please come in.” She closed up her silk robe and wiped the remaining tears from her face. “I’m really excited to meet you. Anakin’s told me so much about you.”

Instead of noticing the compliment, I only focused on the fact that she called him Anakin… not General Skywalker. His formal title what those whom he wasn’t close to called him. Really only Obi-Wan and I called him by his first name. So he and Padmé were that close…

I smiled falsely. “He hasn’t mentioned you. I wonder why.” I left the undercurrent of resentment out of my tone.

“Well, that’s ok. I haven’t known him for very long. You are practically all he talks about! It is rare to have a good friend these days,” Padmé commented.

“Very rare. Anakin and I have been best friends for a long time.” I heavily emphasized the word best. She needed to know how much he meant to me.

She smiled radiantly. “Consider yourself lucky. Anakin is a wonderful man.”

“He is.”

For some strange reason, Padmé’s distress turned into bliss the moment we began talking about Anakin. She twisted a long coil of her hair between her fingers, as she stared distantly. I knew she was thinking about him. Although I could talk about him all day, we needed to change the subject.

Her gushing about my love troubled my heart. And I was already dealing with enough stress just being in her presence. I didn’t need a reminder of how amazing Anakin is. I knew him much better than she ever could.

Padmé sat down on the sofa set at the foot of her bed. “I’m sorry you had to take time away for me. I do appreciate it, Ahsoka.” She patted on the cushion beside her.

I shook my head. “I prefer standing, thank you.”

She smiled nervously. “Oh, sorry.”

“I would do anything to help Anakin out,” I stated.

“I know he’s very thankful,” she replied.

I hung my head to hide my scowling face. How could she know anything about how he was feeling? She didn’t know him. She couldn’t.

“Something wrong, Ahsoka?”

I looked up and forced a smile. “Of course not. I was just wondering what was on the agenda for today.”

“Nothing much.” She huffed and looked to the floor. “Just a luncheon with Clovis and his group of friends.” She clenched her small hands into fists.

“Why so upset about it? It’s just a meal,” I said.

She laughed sarcastically. “I despise Clovis’s ‘friends.’ They continually make me feel uncomfortable with their looks and comments. I don’t want to go…. But I have to, I guess.”

“Because Clovis said so?” Was she really that submissive? That wasn’t what Anakin needed in a partner.

“No,” she retorted. “Absolutely not. But it’s part of our agreement. I mean, I am his future wife. So, as queen, part of my duty is keeping up appearances. I hate it. But he just gets angry if we argue.” She covered her mouth immediately. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Eh. No worries. Everyone knows that the king gets angry. You should have heard how he yelled at Anakin when we came back from the citadel.”

She frowned deeply. “Yes, Anakin told me about that. He’s still so angry about the whole situation with Satine.”

I ground my teeth and pressed my lips into a firm line. So, they were at the point of telling each other their problems. I didn’t even share my problems with Rex, who I’d consider a good friend of mine.

“I’ve tried to help him get over his anger. I also struggle with it when dealing with Clovis. But I don’t think I’m helping him much,” Padmé admittedly sadly.

“Don’t feel bad. You haven’t known him for that long,” I said, almost condescendingly.

Padmé didn’t seem to notice. She nodded and smiled. “I can’t help but worry about him. He’s just been moody lately. The only thing that cheers him up is—” she giggled. “Never mind.”

Her blushing made my scowl larger, and I could barely keep myself from storming out the room. “What were you about to say?”

She waltzed over to her closet and swung the doors open. “Oh. It was nothing really. I’d rather not say.”

“Fine.”

“I’m going to get dressed for lunch so please just wait outside. I’ll be right out.”

I left her room without saying anything more. I wasn’t foolish enough to believe that I wouldn’t have to wait at least half and hour for her. It took her that long just to open the door earlier.


	26. 26

I was too accurate in my estimation: it did take Padmé a half hour to get ready for the luncheon. When she left the room, my feet were aching having remained in the same position the whole time. I should have gone for a walk while waiting. But I continually told myself every minute that she would come out. I suppose I must have reminded myself of that thirty times.

Padmé stepped out her room. Her curly hair was twisted in a large bun on the top of her head, with her dainty tiara set in front. Her gown was made of baby blue taffeta with skin tight lacy sleeves and a puffy skirt. She picked up the front of her dress slightly as we began walking down the hallway.

“Do I look alright?” Padmé questioned.

I wondered why she was asking me. She didn’t need me to tell her she was a beautiful woman. She could have been wearing a muddy coat and still attract men as gorgeous as Anakin. I could admit I was deeply envious of her in that regard.

“I’m not sure blue is my color. Anakin said that he likes when I wear blue, especially light blue,” she continued.

I ignored the rush of anger she awakened within me from her words. I told myself she didn’t mean anything by it. She was unaware of my feelings for Anakin. “You look fine. I wouldn’t worry about that.”

“I’m sorry to bother you. I just sometimes feel like I have to be perfect because I’m always in the public view, if that makes sense.”

I nodded to act like I understood. I didn’t understand though. Like anyone else, I liked looking put together and attractive. But wanting to look perfect? I couldn’t relate to that. I knew that being perfect wouldn’t be a reason Anakin would fall for anyone.

Partly because of Anakin’s influence, I had learned to accept and appreciate my appearance. I didn’t want to look like anyone else but me.

“You’re so confident, Ahsoka. I really admire that,” Padmé commented.

I smiled with uncertainty. “Oh, thanks. We all struggle with different things in the same way, I suppose.”

“I agree. What are your struggles, if you don’t mind my asking?”

I nearly choked on my own saliva, hating having personal conversations with people I barely knew. “Um… um….”

“No pressure. You don’t have to answer,” Padmé said sweetly.

I shrugged. “It’s fine. I guess I have a problem with being open with others. Like, telling how I truly feel. Well, in certain situations.”

“That’s understandable,” Padmé said sympathetically.

I nodded in response. The rest of the way to the luncheon hall, Padmé and I didn’t say anything more. My resentment towards her and her gorgeous smile was smoldering under my expressionless face. The only way to release it would be to scream in her face, but I reminded myself of self-control. Besides, if Anakin really did like her, I certainly wouldn’t have any chance with him if I reacted in that way.

It was the weirdest sensation, but my strong dislike of her wasn’t only because of my fear that I would lose Anakin to her. Although that was the main reason. Part of it was that I was struggling to find reasons to despise her. She was always smiling at me and complimenting me. She was supposed to be stuck up. I needed her to be stuck up.

I needed her to have some kind of flaw that would give Anakin a reason to choose me over her. Her having a fiancé obviously wasn’t enough to dissuade him from pursuing her. Regretfully, I could understand why he liked being around her so much. And I was sure she complimented him to a greater extent than she did me.

Anakin thrived on hearing praise from other people. And when the praise came from beautiful women, he had the potential of falling for them easily. And Padmé was also just as kind as she was beautiful. I almost began to hyperventilate in the hallway as we were walking.

But I stopped myself and diverted my focus to my task, protecting Padmé. I was helping Anakin out. That’s what was important.

I pushed the doors to the dining hall forwards and held them open for her.

Padmé smiled brightly. “Thank you, Ahsoka.”

I closed the door behind me and looked up to watch all eyes turn to Padmé the moment she entered the room. Except Clovis. He was too busy adjusting his robes. The other men rose from their seats. Clovis strangely was the last.

I stood on one side of the wall a few meters from the dinner table. I was the bodyguard and knew that meant I wasn’t invited to sit with the nobility. But I was content to stay far away from them. Their condescending stares made me uncomfortable.

Clovis walked to Padmé and kissed her hand and led her to the seat beside him at the table. The smile she wore on her face as she looked at him was different. It looked too bright. Her smile was fake. And the way she held herself was oddly rigid. Her happy face didn’t show her hesitance, but her gestures did. However, the men were too busy admiring her beauty to pay attention.

I pitied her for having to endure the stale conversation and the intrusive stares of everyone around her. Still, she held herself gracefully and respectfully, although I doubted that Clovis deserved anyone’s respect. Not after the way he treated Satine, Anakin, and then his fiancé this morning. But he’d never have to face the consequences of his behavior. He was the king, and no one was bold enough to question him. Well, except for Anakin. But that was a surprise to no one.

A little over three hours later, Padmé said her goodbyes to Clovis and the nobility and left the table. I held the doors open for her as she walked through. Once no one could see her but me, her false smile faded into a frown. Her small hands were trembling, and the light I saw within her eyes this morning had dulled.

“What happened?” I asked.

Padmé clenched her hands into fists. “Nothing much. That was one of our many engagement feasts. It just reminds me how close I am to the actual wedding date.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Usually, brides are excited about their wedding.”

“I am,” she retorted.

“You seem distressed about it to me,” I replied.

She huffed. “It’s just a lot to take in. I’m not sure if I feel like I’m ready to be married or take on the duties as queen of Coruscant. Well, I’m not sure I’m ready to marry someone like Clovis.”

“What do you mean? Someone like Clovis?”

Padmé’s shoulders sank noticeably so. “All Clovis cares about is his politics. The only things he ever talks about to me is how powerful our two kingdoms will be once they’re united and how he needs an heir to the throne.”

I cringed in disgust. I couldn’t stop from feeling sorry for her. That is until I thought about the fact that she agreed to marry him. But maybe she didn’t think she had a choice. “Why are you marrying him then?”

She laughed dryly. “It was necessary. It was either that, or he would invade Naboo. Well, eventually. My father thought if we think ahead. And I agreed with him.”

“So you’re doing it for Naboo, then?”

“Well, yes. Clovis was the best option anyway. It’s ridiculous for a princess to imagine marrying for love,” Padmé lamented.


	27. 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!!! I hope everyone is still enjoying the story! And I really hope you aren’t giving up on Anakin just yet... because I have a super cute Anisoka scene coming up in the next chapter:)

I retired to my room after touring various of regions Coruscant’s capital city with Padmé. She visited many of the small business and handed out donations to them from her own pocket. Crowds of people surrounded her wherever she went, wanting to get a glimpse of the king’s fiancé, whose beauty was already legendary within the confines of the city.

Padmé was completely different from Coruscant’s own nobility. When the people came to see her and speak with her, she welcomed them, instead of shunning them, like Clovis and the rest did to the people. For gifts, she gave shiny coins to most of the little children who approached her and hugged them when they held out their arms to her.

Though I disliked her for an obvious reason, she impressed me with her genuine kindness. Being respectful and kind to the common people wasn’t required of her. And she proved that her heart was actually good by showing love to those considered beneath her. She didn’t see them as less than herself.

I buried my face in my pillow and screamed. I was struggling to hate her now. She was supposed to be my rival: she threatened to take away the one man I desperately loved. But after everything I had watched her do today, how could I hate her? She was gentle and sweet.

Anakin was most likely obsessing over her right now. There was no reason really for him to not. I mean, except for the part where she was engaged to another man. But that didn’t seem to stop them from spending time with each other.

While wallowing in self-pity, I heard a knock on the door. I rose to my feet and answered.

The fire glow from the oil lamps in the hallway and candles in my room illuminated his tan skin and gorgeous white smile. I gasped inwardly, catching his blue eyes staring directly into mine.

“I heard things went well today, Snips,” he said.

I nodded. “Yes. How was your meeting?”

He stepped closer to me. “Boring, as expected. Almost a complete waste of time.”

There was hardly a foot between us, and I my heart was beating rapidly. Was Anakin aware of how close we were?

“I just wanted to stop by and say thank you for helping me out today. You’re the best, Snips.”

“You’re welcome. It wasn’t as unbearable as I thought it would be,” I replied.

He laughed. “So, I’m guessing Padmé was really nice to you. I told you to give her a chance.”

I turned on my heel away from him and walked towards the center of my room. “That doesn’t mean I like her. She is better than the rest of the nobles. But that’s not saying much, comparing her to the worst of the worst.”

“Stop!” Anakin growled. “I don’t like where this conversation is going.”

“Neither do I,” I retorted. “All you ever want to talk about is… her.”

Anakin’s footsteps echoed through the room as he approached me again. “That’s not true. The way you’re talking about it, it’s like you’re insinuating something. I guess I need to remind you that there is nothing between her and me.”

“You’re all she talked about.”

“We’re threatening my career by just talking about this. Why are you even bringing this up?”

I turned to him and narrowed my eyes. “If there was something going on between you two, would you tell me?”

He froze, not even blinking. His eyes revealed what he was thinking. His eyes, overflowing with guilt, told the truth. They were almost too glossy, as if he were fighting back tears.

Both of us were on the verge of crying because both of us knew, deep down, that something was broken between us. Neither of us knew when it happened. Or how.

I searched within myself for answers. Was it all because we stoped sharing our feelings about life? Did that one night in the barn where we had our first serious argument really change our friendship? And how long would things be this way?

“I should go.” His voice was strained noticeably.

I nodded. If I would have spoken, I would have burst into tears. So, I let him leave and locked the door once he left. I sank to the cold floor of my bedroom and prepared to cry. But I didn’t.

I didn’t feel like crying anymore. All I felt was acceptance, acceptance of how things were. Crying wouldn’t help me figure out how to repair the brokenness.

I had already cried enough over him. And I had grown weary of chasing after him. I questioned if he was even worth it.

Immediately, I regretted my questioning. Of course, Anakin was worth it. He was worth every single tear. He was as good-hearted as he was handsome. We had been friends for a long time without fail. I didn’t want to give up on him, though I felt so hopeless.

But I wondered if he was giving up on me.

He didn’t answer my question because his answer was no. If he did care for Padmé, he wouldn’t have told me. I felt as though this was all my fault. If I would have told him how I felt about him that night in the barn, he would know that I did want to share things with him, especially important things. Even if he didn’t feel the same way, I was confident we would have moved past the temporary awkwardness.


	28. 28

_“Ahsoka, wait up!”_

_I turned to watch Anakin stumbling around with all of our fishing equipment in his hands, as he tried to maneuver through the hallways of the dorm._

_I put my hands on my hips and rolled my eyes. “I don’t understand why you insist on carrying that by yourself. I could help.”_

_He scoffed. “It’s your birthday, Snips! You shouldn’t have to do anything today.”_

_I leaned my head back in annoyance. “Come on! I could at least carry my fishing pole.”_

_“No!” Anakin exclaimed, finally catching up to me._

_I turned back around and continued walking. “Alright, alright.” I acted nonchalant over his actions. But my heart was fluttering from my irrepressible crush on him._

_Anakin was seventeen, but already much more mature, physically and mentally, than the other guys I knew. He already looked like a full grown man. And when he looked at me with his beautiful eyes, I could barely stand upright sometimes. I wondered if he had the same effect on other girls._

_I was waiting for him to look at me the same way I did at him. I was fifteen, so maybe I was too young for him right now. Two years made a significant difference with teens. I could wait a couple more years at least._

_I went outside the dorm building with Anakin stumbling behind me. The random baskets and fishing poles he held almost fell from his hands as we walked down the steps._

_“Anakin Skywalker!” I scolded. “You are being ridiculous! Let me help you. We still have to walk to the stables_.”

_Before he responded, a loud crash sounded from behind me. I turned around and saw that nearly everything that Anakin carried was now at his feet, except for a large basket that he was apparently holding onto more securely than the rest._

_I dashed to him and leaned down to pick up the tackle boxes and my own fishing pole. I moved to grab one of the many baskets he once carried, but he pushed it away with his foot._

_“Don’t,” Anakin said. “I don’t want you to look at what’s inside.”_

_I stood up, content with what I already held in my arms. But I couldn’t stifle my curiosity about what Anakin hid inside the baskets. “Why?”_

_Anakin snatched up the remaining baskets into his arms. “It’s a surprise, Snips.”_

_My heart skipped a beat. “For me?”_

_“What? Of course not,” Anakin said as sarcastically as possible. “Why would I want to surprise you on your birthday?”_

_He made me laugh. He always did._

_We walked to the stables and took out our horses. Anakin packed everything onto the saddles, and within five minutes, we were on horseback, galloping towards the bay._

_The sunlight was just beginning to peak from behind the horizon over the bay when we arrived. We left our horses where the sand met the grass. With baskets of whatever Anakin had put in them and fishing poles in hand, we started walking across the sand to the wooden pier ahead. I looked over to the left at Anakin, walking closely beside me. The face he made as he trudged through the sand was priceless. He was angrily wincing and grumbling with each step._

_I laughed uncontrollably. “Are you sandsick, Skyguy? You know, most people get sick of the water. Not the sand.”_

_“I’ve already told you how I feel about sand. Let’s please just talk about something else. I don’t know why we didn’t ride to the pier.”_

_“I like feeling the cool sand between my toes. Don’t you?” I teased._

_He glared at me. “Absolutely.”_

_When we reached the wooden pier, Anakin’s usual smile returned. He exhaled a sigh of relief._

_I shook my head. “So you prefer splinters over_ sand?”

“Any day of the week,” he replied with all seriousness.

_At the end of the pier, we set everything down. I stretched out my arms and closed my eyes. I listened to the light crashing of the waves against the shore and breathed in the faint salty taste of the warm breeze._

_“Keep your eyes closed,” Anakin said. “Just until I say to open them…”_

_I crossed my arms. “Why?”_

_He didn’t answer. But I heard him open one of the baskets and move whatever was inside around. I heard him step closer to me._

_“Ok, open,” he announced happily._

_When I did, I first saw his adorable smile and deep blue eyes staring right at me. I looked down to what he held in his hands._

_I gasped. “Is that for me? You remembered!”_

_He held a porcelain tray. And on it was dark chocolate cake with chocolate roses on the top, my absolute favorite dessert._

_“Now, tell me.” I grinned. “Did you make it?”_

_“Um… yes. Well… with a little help from Obi-Wan.”_

_“Obi-Wan bakes?” I asked._

_Anakin nodded. “He even makes his own recipes.”_

_We sat down on the pier. Anakin pulled out two forks from a basket and handed one to me. Without waisting another moment, I carved out a large chunk of cake and stuffed it inside my mouth._

_“This is so good,” I exclaimed, my mouth still full of cake._

_“Thank goodness. I was worried I might have confused the sugar with salt back there.”_

_I nearly finished the whole cake myself. I couldn’t stop eating it. The cake was so rich and sweet, but that wasn’t the reason it was so special to me. Anakin had made it. Well, partially. I assumed that Obi-Wan helped more than Anakin led me to believe. But I didn’t mind._

_“Oh, I have one more thing for you,” Anakin said. He eagerly uncovered a small box from within another basket. He placed the box in front of me. “I hope you like this.”_

_My hands were shaking as I reached for the second gift. I couldn’t imagine what was inside. And that scared me a little._

_I opened the lid, and as soon as I did so, I felt tears forming in the corners of my eyes. It was beautiful, flawless. I brought it close to my eyes to admire all of the detail. It was a light purple stone with tiny flowers carved into it, attached to a thin leather string._

_I looked over to him. “I love it. Did you make it?”_

_“Yes, I wanted you to have something really special this year. You’re my best friend, Ahsoka. I want you to know how much I appreciate you.”_

_I crawled to him and fell into his arms. “Thank you so much, Anakin.”_

_He hugged me. “No problem, Snips. You deserve it.”_

That felt like a lifetime ago… my favorite memory of us. I opened one of the drawers at my desk in my bedroom and uncovered the necklace. I clasped it tightly in my hands. It had been a while since I even looked at that precious gift.

The necklace had been a painful reminder of how thoughtful Anakin could be. The day he gave it to me was the start of a deeper fall for him from which I wasn’t sure I could recover.

But today, I saw it for what it truly was, a perfect birthday present. I refused the pain it caused me because I reminded myself of what it symbolized: Anakin did love me.

Maybe not romantically. But he did love me.

I wasn’t ready to lose his friendship so easily. And we could rebuild what I had broken if we worked together.

It was up to me.

I returned the necklace to its usual place in my desk and stood to my feet. I was going to find Anakin right now. We were going to talk. And we were going to fix this… even if that meant telling him the truth.


	29. 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I’m so so sorry it took me so long to update. Life has been crazy. I’m glad that I was finally able to upload this chapter.
> 
> The content in Chapter 29 is a little more depressing and emotional. But I promise things are going to turn around for Ahsoka :)

As soon as I left the dorm building, I began sprinting towards the castle. I couldn’t let another moment go to waste. I had to see Anakin.

I knew where he was, who he was with.

But I wasn’t fazed. I reminded myself of the fact that he was assigned to be her bodyguard. He was there because he had to be. Now, whether he wanted to be there with her or not, that was another story. And it didn’t matter to me if he did.

I was determined to be direct with him. The feelings I suspected he had for Padmé were something I had no control over. They were his problem, not mine. So, why would I let that keep me from resolving the situation, not for him, but for myself.

Still sprinting, I entered the back doors of the castle. I sped through the hallways and climbed up the twisting stairs, taking me higher and higher. Though I was out of breath, I couldn’t find the strength to stop or slow down. My fear of losing him spurred me on.

When I entered the hallway where Padmé’s room was, I hesitated in taking another step forwards. Immediately, I felt cold and wrapped my arms around myself to gather in warmth. I looked ahead and found myself staring at her bedroom door. I saw the light streaming from the crack along the floor. And I heard muffled voices. One belonged to Anakin.

I shivered, wondering what they were saying to each other. I took a deep breath and stretched out my arms. My fears were no longer making me want to go to him; they were making me want to retreat. Quickly they were overpowering my will.

I knew what it felt like to allow my fears to win: the price was watching your hopes be crushed right before you. My fears won every time I didn’t speak my mind and tell Anakin that I loved him.

Although retreating would be easier, I couldn’t lose against my fears again. What if I did lose him for real? Just being distant from him was killing me on the inside. Being cut off from him completely would be sudden death for my dreams for the future.

I took the first step forwards, down Padmé’s cold hallway. And in a matter of seconds I was standing in front of her door.

Holding my hand up to the door, I exhaled slowly. Should I knock? Or should I just walk in?

I was never one to be rude… usually. I pushed my hand against the door with the intention of knocking, but the door inched open. Evidently, the door wasn’t properly closed.

I should have knocked, though the door was open. But I couldn’t stifle my curiosity of how they occupied their time alone. I peeked through the crack along the side that I had created from my semi-knock.

What I saw… I wished I had retreated when I had the chance.

They were standing in front of the glass window, the sunlight illuminating their blissful faces. Anakin held Padmé so close to his own body with one hand and gently stroked her cheek with the other, as if they had just finished the last of many passionate kisses.

Padmé looked radiant… much more than she usually did. My soul crumbled under the heavy burden that I knew as envy. The happiness Padmé had with him was mine. I should have been the one in his arms.

When I saw Anakin start moving in for another kiss, I ran.

I ran away from them, down the halls, and several staircases. I held my hand over my aching heart, beating furiously. I pushed through the back exit doors and stumbled down the stone steps.

I collapsed on the soft grass. While I breathed, it felt as though the oxygen couldn’t reach my lungs. Was I hyperventilating? I gasped for air over and over, but nothing seemed to satisfy my need of oxygen.

I curled up in a ball on the ground and let my tears flood over my face. My sobbing was shamelessly loud. And it was okay.

Anakin wasn’t around to hear me. No one was.

At least, that’s what the absence of sound led me to believe. All I could hear was the wind and myself.

And that was why I didn’t hear his coming towards me.

I felt a warm hand tap my shoulder with the gentlest of touches.

“Ahsoka!” He cried. “Everything is going to be okay. You need to take slower breaths.”

Recognizing the voice, I nodded, rubbing by face against the rough ground. My sorrow muted any words I could have said. He didn’t ask me to speak or to tell him my problems. He sat down beside me and rubbed my back to comfort me.

“Take as long as you need,” he said.

His kindness and patience soothed my pain, and with time, I was able to prevent the next wave of tears. I rested my head on his lap and covered my face, me trying to dispose of the image of Padmé in Anakin’s arms. I truly wished I could hate her. But still I couldn’t.

She didn’t know that I loved Anakin. And who would turn away Anakin’s affection? Padmé was certainly intelligent enough to realize how amazing he is.

“I’m sorry you’re hurting, Ahsoka. If I can do anything, please let me know,” he said.

I uncovered my face and opened my eyes, knowing exactly who I would see. “It’s not your fault. Don’t feel sorry for me, Lux. But thank you.”

“I just didn’t know what else to say,” Lux admitted.

I pushed myself up with my hands. “It’s okay. None of this is your fault.”

“Well, who did this to you? I want to know!” Lux seethed.

I looked down at my hands. “Me. It’s all my fault. I failed myself because I let my situation control my attitude.” I began to cry again. “And I let my fears keep me from reaching for what I wanted. Now it’s too late.”

Lux stretched out his arms and hugged me. “I promise it’s not too late.”

My tears dampened his shirt, but he didn’t seem to mind. “It is too late. I lost him.”


	30. 30

The burden my heart had been carrying suddenly lightened. I just finished telling Lux everything. He now knew about my greatest fears and my greatest dreams. He knew how important training to be a general one day was to me. He knew how much I loved Anakin....

I told him about the day I first realized that I loved Anakin, about how my feelings deepened with each day, and about why I was so afraid to tell him.

Lux sat beside me on a picnic blanket on the sandy shore of the bay. He was there to simply listen. He never once interrupted me to tell me his opinions on my situation. He just listened to me, with a heart free of judgement.

I watched his eyes turn mournful as I told him exactly how my friendship with Anakin had fallen apart. I was so convinced it was over.

Patting me on the shoulder, Lux seemed to understand and feel my pain. He took a few minutes after I had finished speaking and appeared to be reviewing all my problems in his own mind.

Once he had finished, he smiled ironically at me. “It sucks doesn’t it. When the person doesn’t like you back.”

I laughed at his straightforwardness. “Sure does.”

“A very similar thing happened to me recently,” he admitted.

I frowned. “I’m sorry. I guess you must understand how much it hurts then.”

Lux looked up to the sky and smiled for some strange reason. “It did at first. But I learned that in the end, it really doesn’t matter. The best way to live is to accept how things go. So, now I just do my best to be a good friend to her,” he turned to me, “which is what you should be for Anakin.”

I coughed on air that should have provided my lungs with much needed oxygen. “Just a friend? I don’t think so.”

“Well, look at it this way. You’ve been just friends for such a long time. What’s more time? At least you have a best friend. Most people don’t even have that.”

I dropped my face in my hands and let out another sob. “I could accept that if he wasn’t with Padmé! She’s the one who took him away from me!” After I finished, I started to cry all over again with the same intensity. Inside my mind, I was reliving seeing them in each other’s arms.

He stroked my back to comfort me. “Does Padmé know how you felt about him?”

I shook my head, instead of saying no.

“Well, I think it’s safe to assume she wasn’t trying to steal him. She probably fell in love with him, just like you did.”

“BUT WHY DOES HE LOVE HER BACK!” I screamed at the ground. “He doesn’t love me like that.”

Lux sighed gloomily. “It’s cliché to say, but love is very complicated. I don’t believe that love is a battle. Just because you don’t ‘win’ someone’s heart doesn’t mean you’ve lost the battle. The battle isn’t love. Life is the real battle. And there are so many other people out there whom you could fall in love with. And they would love you back. You just have to keep living your life. Losing the hope that you will find love is called giving up.”

I accepted the truth of his words and repeated them in my head. Lux was right: I can’t give up on the hope of love. I won’t ever find love if I do that. I lifted my head and looked up at him. “I don’t know if can ever love someone else like Anakin though.”

“You won’t love anyone else exactly the same way you love him. But you will find someone you love just as much.” He smiled at me again. “And you’re still young. It’s not like you have to find him now…. You have an opportunity to become a great general, so while you’re waiting focus on that.”

I rose to my knees and hugged him around his neck. I never expected Lux to give advice that would make me feel this good. I needed someone to remind me of my potential, aside from my love life that was currently nonexistent anyway.

“And maybe you could also focus on finding good friends instead of just boyfriends. I don’t know. It’s just a suggestion.”

We looked at each other for a second, before sharing a laugh.

“Maybe,” I replied, grinning.

“Let me know how it goes.”

I hugged him again and then sat back down beside him on the shore. “Ok. In the meantime, I’m just going to sit and enjoy the bay with one of my good friends.”

Lux raised an eyebrow. “Oh, so now I’m a friend. And not just a friend either. I’m a ‘good’ friend.”

I could see him forcing back a smile. I rolled my eyes and scoffed sarcastically. “What would you rather be then?”

He bit his lip. “You don’t want me to answer that.”

“You are a good friend to me, Lux. And I don’t know what I would have done today without you.”

Lux shrugged. “Well, what are ‘good’ friends for.”

I leaned back and propped myself up with my elbows resting on the soft picnic blanket. “What are your plans for tomorrow?”

He ran a hand through his short brown hair and smirked. “It’s up to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is officially the last chapter of What I Never Told You! I’m so thankful for all the support everyone has shown me.
> 
> Don’t worry though: this story isn’t over yet!  
> I’m currently writing the first chapter of the second book in this series that will be told entirely from Anakin’s perspective. So please stay tuned for the second book. I will be posting the first chapter soon :)


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